Lycanthrope 3: Meet the Parents
by Mister Cynical
Summary: Why can't everybody just leave Shinji alone for a few decades and why the hell does his life always turn into a worst case scenario? The end is bloody well here!
1. Chapter 1: They’re Back

I really don't own anything. Kind of a shame because I'd love to see this story animated.

Lycanthrope 3: Meet the Parents or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb

-Chapter One: They're Back

Asuka Fenrir sipped her coffee and smirked as her sire stumbled into the kitchen. "Did that mean old sun wake you up again?"

"I know you're the one opening the curtains in my room," Shinji Fenrir growled. He sat down heavily in the chair next to hers and twisted the cap off the bottle of whiskey in his hand.

"Fucking lush."

"Bite me." Shinji brought the bottle to his lips and put back at least half the bottle in one go. He looked around the condo and grinned drowsily.

"I'm definitely going to buy this one." Asuka scowled and set her coffee down on the kitchen table.

"You already have fifty other condos all around the world," she stated angrily. "We're going to go broke!" Shinji picked up the financial section of the paper and smirked.

"We're not going broke any time soon." He laid the paper down and pointed to one of the stocks. Asuka stared.

"Ten thousand dollars a share?" she asked in disbelief. "How many shares do you have in that company?"

"About seventy-five percent," Shinji answered. "I gave them all the money for start up, research, and development. In return I got three fourths of the company."

"There was only a twenty-five percent chance that they would even get off the ground!" Asuka screamed. "You could have lost millions!"

"But I didn't," Shinji stated. "I love it when a plan comes together. Hand me the humidor please." Asuka scowled at him and grabbed the wooden box from the counter behind her.

"Here."

"Thanks." Shinji opened the case and tugged a long green cigar out. He cut the tip off and lit it. "You have to admit, Hawaii is a great place." Asuka glanced out the sliding glass door at the Hawaiian beachfront just beyond their balcony.

"Yeah." The door leading to the master bedroom opened and Asuka glanced over to see a young woman wearing a large Hawaiian shirt walk out, nearly tripping over a dozen things on her trip to the kitchen. "Afternoon."

"Afternoon?" Pandora echoed. "It's the afternoon already? Time really does fly."

"It does when you hunt the first part of the night away, fuck the second, and sleep for ten hours!" Asuka snapped.

"She's being bitchy," Pandora grumbled as she sat on Shinji's lap. "Did we make too much noise again?"

"She hasn't had a problem since we started gagging Jen," Shinji replied.

"I never thought a ball gag was sexy before that," Pandora commented as she nuzzled Shinji's neck.

"Told you," Shinji replied. Asuka was seeing red.

"Perverts!"

"Duh."

(:ii:)

"I love the sun," Shinji mumbled contently as he stretched his arms over his head.

"Yeah," Yuki Fenrir agreed. Shinji glanced at the woman lying on the towel next to him.

"Did you put on suntan lotion?"

"Yes Shinji."

"Good," Shinji replied. She got bitchy when she burned. "So what's the plan for tonight?"

"I was thinking the same thing as last night," Yuki replied.

"Sounds good," Jen Fenrir commented. Shinji lay back on his towel and stretched again. If anyone tried to move him then the beautiful white sand beach was going to be stained red.

"Shinji!"

"Huh?" Shinji craned his head back and saw Asuka running towards him. She looked happy. That meant bad news for him. Shinji quickly rolled into the fetal position. "Go away!"

"What are you doing?" Asuka asked.

"Leave me alone!"

"Damn it Shinji," Asuka growled. She grabbed the hair on the back of his head and pulled with enough force to make him look up. "Look at this." Shinji stared at the piece of paper that had been forced under his nose.

"It's in gibberish." The hand holding his hair released and then slammed into the side of his skull.

"It's in German!" Asuka exclaimed angrily.

"Same difference." That earned Shinji another smack. He took the paper and sat up warily. He stared at it for a minute and frowned.

"Well?" Asuka asked excitedly.

"I never learned to read German beyond the alcohol menu," Shinji stated. Asuka stared at him for a moment and snatched the paper out of his hand.

"It's a fax."

"I gathered that much," Shinji replied. Asuka glared at him. "I'm going to be quiet now."

"Good luck," Jen commented.

"It's from my parents!" Shinji froze.

"You're parents?" he repeated.

"Yeah!" Asuka exclaimed excitedly. "They want me to visit!"

"They do?" Shinji squeaked, images of a pissed off Mister Sohryu running through his head. This was much like when he turned Jen and had to face her father.

"Isn't this great?"

"Yeah," Shinji managed through the lump in his throat.

"And they want to meet you guys!"

"Lovely."

"I'm going to go call them and then I'm going to start packing!" Asuka exclaimed as she bounded away. Slowly, Shinji curled back up into the fetal position.

"Thinking about Asuka's dad when he finds out what happened?" Yuki asked. Shinji nodded. "Poor baby. It just doesn't pay to sire people, does it?"

"You don't complain much about him siring me when I have you on your back writhing," Jen commented.

"Well that's true," Yuki replied. "Let's go find some more cute talented girls Shinji!" Shinji's eyes rolled back in his skull and everything went mercifully dark.

(:ii:)

Gerald Sohryu cursed as the phone continued to bleat tirelessly. This was the eighth phone call he had received and it wasn't even noon! He snatched up the phone. "Hello?"

"Daddy?" Gerald froze.

"Asuka?"

"Hi Daddy!" Gerald winced at the high-pitched squeal coming across the phone, definitely his daughter.

"Where are you?" Gerald demanded. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine Daddy," Asuka gushed. "I'm so sorry I haven't called in twelve years. You must have been worried sick. I can't believe it's been that long. I got so caught up in traveling around with Shinji that I completely lost track of time!"

"Shinji?" Gerald repeated, trying to make heads of tails of his daughter's excited jabbering. "Who's Shinji?"

"He's this guy I'm traveling with," Asuka answered.

"A guy you're traveling with?"

"It's not like that!" Asuka protested. "He's married! His wife is with us too."

"Okay," Gerald replied. "Is that Gendo Ikari's son?"

"Uh yeah. I got your fax," Asuka explained. "It kept getting forwarded and it was always a couple of days behind us. We decided to stay in Hawaii a little longer then normal and it finally reached me!"

"You're in Hawaii?"

"Yeah," Asuka answered. "I was wondering if we could come visit."

"What?" Gerald demanded. "Asuka, as long as I live there will always be a place for you here. You're my daughter for God's sake! As for your friends, well I really don't see a problem. We have plenty of rooms."

"Thank you Daddy! Everyone will be so excited. I'm going to go tell them now. We'll see you really soon!" The phone went dead and Gerald stared at it.

"Who was it dear?"

"It was Asuka."

"What?" Carol Sohryu demanded. "That was Asuka? Where is she? Is she okay?"

"She's fine and she's in Hawaii," Gerald explained.

"That's great," Carol replied.

"My little girl is coming home!" Gerald wailed as he began sobbing.

"Not this again," Carol groaned.

(:ii:)

Shinji jerked awake and looked around the bedroom. "It was all a dream." He laid back and sighed in relief.

"Wouldn't that be nice?" Shinji glanced down at the woman lying on top of him.

"It wasn't a dream?"

"Nope," Pandora replied as she nuzzled his chest. "So we get to go meet Asuka's folks?"

"I don't think I have a choice," Shinji replied. "Imagine if Asuka's parents are like her."

"There's going to be so much screaming and blood and. . .hey, that doesn't sound too bad."

"Not when you put it that way," Shinji agreed as he stroked the cat girl's back and listened to her purr. "You think this is funny."

"We all do Shinji."

"You know, if we meet her parents and stay at their house Asuka isn't going to let us all sleep together, right?" Shinji felt Pandora stiffen.

"I hadn't thought of that." She jumped off him in a flash and tripped over something on the floor. "I'm going to go have a talk with Asuka." She stood up and was out the door before Shinji could suggest putting clothes on. Shinji swung himself out of bed and stood up.

"You know this means a lot to her." Shinji glanced to his left and saw Yuki leaning against the wall. "She wants us to meet her family."

"I guess," Shinji replied. "She's going to be screaming about proper behavior pretty soon."

"She has really low expectations of us," Yuki agreed.

"Eh."

"What are you thinking about?" Yuki asked.

"I'm wondering how a clutz like that spent God knows how many years trapped in a cat's body," Shinji stated. Yuki glanced at the door that Pandora had exited from.

"That's a good question. Oh well, its kind of cute."

"When she doesn't destroy something that costs a quarter of a million," Shinji grumbled.

(:ii:)

"Relax Asuka." Yuki watched as the redheaded lycan continued to stuff clothes into one of the suitcases lying on her bed. "We have twenty-four hours before the flight even leaves."

"So?" Asuka demanded. Yuki sighed in annoyance and walked out of the room. She could not understand why the girl always had to be so damned high strung.

"Whoa." Yuki turned and saw her mate sitting on the couch in front of the television with Pandora.

"Hey you two. What are you watching?"

"I'm not sure," Pandora replied. Yuki frowned and moved to where she could see the television screen.

"Monty Python and the Holy Grail?" She moved to stand behind the couch and frowned as a familiar scent assaulted her sense. "Is that a joint?"

"Yeah," Shinji replied, taking a long drag. "It's been a while since we did this. You want a hit?" Yuki stared at the offered joint and frowned. At that moment she could not remember why she had sworn that stuff off.

"Why the hell not?" She took the joint and took a drag. The most immediate affect was that she began coughing.

"Good stuff eh?" Shinji asked. Yuki managed to nod and hand the joint back to him while coughing. "This movie makes perfect sense! Why didn't I ever notice before?"

"I don't know," Yuki answered. She tried to climb over the couch, but her foot got caught and she ended up tumbling over onto Shinji and Pandora.

"Hey," the cat girl whined plaintively. "You're squishing me!"

"Yeah," Yuki replied. She turned her head and stared at the television. "I guess this is better then those Phish albums you had."

"God I miss those albums," Shinji murmured. "Are you sure you don't know what happened to them?"

"Yeah."

"Okay." Shinji pouted. "I know the answer!" Yuki nearly tumbled off the couch when she jumped in surprise in response to Shinji's yell.

"The answer?" she asked. "The answer to what?"

"Life, the universe, and everything!" Shinji declared. Yuki waited with baited breath and then she waited a little while longer and then more still until she got annoyed.

"Well?"

"Well what?" Shinji asked.

"What's the answer?" Yuki screamed.

"Oh," Shinji replied. "It's forty-two."

"What was the question?" Pandora asked.

"I don't know," Shinji answered.

"Hell of a lot of good that does us," Yuki grumbled.

"Hey Shinji?" Pandora asked from somewhere in the tangle of bodies.

"Yeah?"

"I'm bored."

(:ii:)

"There." Asuka stared at her bulging luggage and sighed in relief. Now she was hungry. "Hey guys! I'm going hunting, okay?" She didn't get an answer. That was unusual. Normally everyone would have immediately agreed.

'Weird,' Asuka thought as she pushed her bedroom door open. The sight that greeted her was not something she wanted to see. "Sex fiends!" She slammed the door as hard as she could and cursed as it flew off its hinges and out the open balcony window. "Argh!" She flew past the threesome on the couch and knocked the front door open.

"Asuka?" Asuka froze and stared at Jen. "What's wrong?"

"They. . .they're. . .they're!"

"They're what?" Jen asked. Unable to speak Asuka jerked a finger over her shoulder. Jen leaned to the side. "Orgy!" Asuka stared at the door across the hall from her own condo as the door to her shared apartment slammed shut behind her. For a moment Asuka could only see red.

"You perverts!"

"Hey! Keep it down little girl." Asuka spun to stare at the man who had dared speak to her in such a manner.

"Death!" Thus was the tale of how Asuka released her pent up rage without killing any of her roommates.

(:ii:)

"Whoa." Shinji sat up and looked around the condo. "What the fuck did I do last night?" Someone was pounding on the door. Shinji managed to extract himself from the tangle of warm bodies on the floor and straightened up. The person outside continued to pound on the door. "Hold on!" Shinji yawned and opened the door.

"Hello sir. I am Detective Felix and. . .oh my God, you naked!" Shinji frowned and glanced down. When had he lost his clothes?

"Well you did wake me up," Shinji stated.

"This is a bad time, isn't it?" Felix asked. "Er. . .is that your blood sir?" Shinji glanced down at his chest.

"Some of it. . .yeah. Now what the hell do you want?"

"We're investigating an attack that happened outside your door." Shinji leaned out into the hall and stared at the walls.

"Hey, who repainted?"

"That's blood sir," Felix replied.

"Oh."

"Did you hear anything at all sir?"

"No," Shinji answered. "There was too much screaming."

"Screaming?" Shinji jerked him thumb over his shoulder. Felix leaned to the side and then turned around quickly, blood rushing to his cheeks. "I see."

"You pervert!" Shinji leaned into the hall again and saw Asuka storming towards him. Some poor cop was foolish enough to try and stop her from coming into the crime scene. He ended up embedded in the wall, still alive. . .probably. "Where the hell are your pants?"

"Somewhere around here." Shinji glanced back into the apartment. A torn mass of denim caught his eye and he frowned. He had liked those pants.

"Well if you can think of anything then please call me." Shinji stared at the card that Felix was offering over his shoulder.

"Okay."

"Get in the apartment you. . .you exhibitionist!" A pair of sharp claws seized Shinji's ear and he managed a pained yelp before being dragged into the condo.

(:ii:)

"I can't believe you!" Asuka glared at Shinji. He was sitting on the couch pouting and holding his bloodied ear.

"You're one to talk," he shot back. "You did the guy in the hallway, right? All the blood everywhere, it looks like you."

"I. . .was. . .very angry," Asuka managed between gritted teeth. She whirled around and glared at him. His hair was matted and down to the middle of his back and he had grown another beard. This one was braided and went almost to his navel.

"What?" Shinji asked. "Don't stare at me like that." He started to edge along the couch, ignoring the women still sleeping on the floor.

"We are going to meet my parents."

"Yeah."

"You will not look like a hobo!"

"Help me!"

(:ii:)

Felix listened to the blood curdling screams from inside the condo. He glanced at the patrolman in the wall and shuddered. "I'm not hearing this. I'm not hearing this. I'm not hearing this." Finally Felix broke down and sat down, drawing his knees to his chest and beginning to rock back and forth.

(:ii:)

Yuki blinked blearily and stared at the ceiling. "Morning."

"Morning," Yuki muttered. She turned her head and stared at the blurry figure sitting on my couch. "Shinji?"

"Yep."

"You loose another bet?"

"Nope." Shinji ran a hand over his clean-shaven chin.

"Alright then."

-End

(:ii:)

-Author's notes. St. Patty's day calls for a special update! Lycanthrope 3 calls for a special day! It all works out! Its back! I just love writing this story! I couldn't help it! Just for your information this story takes place about two years after Lycanthrope 2.

Heh. Asuka's father is acting somewhat like Mister Tendo and Pandora is a clumsy cat girl. Yeah. Its going to be that kind of story.

P.S. I just needed to get this story out for this day. I won't be updating it much because I still want to finish the stories that are already running.


	2. Chapter 2: Jinkies

I really don't own anything. Kind of a shame because I'd love to see this story animated.

Lycanthrope 3: Meet the Parents or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb

-Chapter Two: Jinkies

Shinji looked around the tiny plane and ran a hand through his short hair. Well, maybe medium hair was a better term. 'Hey! Now it's the right length that I can stand it straight up!' Of course if he was going to do that it would have been nice to still have his beard. "Rule time!"

"Rule?" Shinji repeated.

"That's right!" Asuka snapped. "There are going to be rules on how you act in the presence of my family!"

"Oh joy," Pandora commented.

"The first rule is that you can not have fucking orgies!"

"Fucking orgies," Shinji repeated. "Is there another kind of orgy?" That earned him a haymaker to the jaw.

"The second rule is. . ."

"You do not talk about Fight Club!" Jen cheered. That earned Shinji another punch.

"You three will keep your hands off each other!" Asuka snapped, glaring at Pandora, Jen, and Yuki.

"I see," Yuki commented, "your parents are close minded, aren't they? Born again Christians?" That sent a shudder through the group.

"No!"

"Then why can't you say that Pandora and I are girlfriends?" Jen asked.

"It's a bad idea to shoot holes in her logic," Shinji stated. "It always ends up with my pain."

"Isn't it hypocritical how she says she won't hit a girl and then goes and eats them?" Pandora wondered.

"No girl on girl anything!" Asuka shrieked. "The third rule is that only Yuki can sleep with Shinji."

"How plain," Yuki said with a pout.

"Why don't you pretend to be Jen and she pretends to be you?" Shinji asked. "I'm sure Jen wouldn't complain."

"Certainly wouldn't!" Jen cheered.

"I take it back," Yuki said quickly.

"You!" Asuka snapped, stabbing a finger at Pandora. "No wondering around naked."

"Meany."

"And no wearing just Shinji's shirts."

"I like Shinji's shirts!"

"That's the kind of thing a girl friend would do!"

"Well I'm fucking him! Does that count?" Asuka swung around and launched a flying cross at Shinji. She was on her feet before Shinji could even regain his breath.

"You can't wear any short sleeve shirts!" Asuka stated, turning to glare at Shinji.

"Why not?"

"You have tattoos!" Shinji glanced down at his arms.

"Your parents don't like tattoos?"

"No!"

"What about this?" Shinji asked, pointing to the pentagram under his eye.

"Just tell them you're into witchcraft of something." Asuka turned on Yuki. "And you!" she roared, stabbing her finger at the blue-haired girl. "No dressing up! No schoolgirls, no nurses, and no nuns!"

"This is going to be a long week," Shinji commented. He liked the outfits Yuki wore.

"Now for clothing choices," Asuka began. "No micro mini anything! No tube tops, no halter tops, no just underwear!"

"Really long," Shinji grumbled.

"At least you're going to be getting off with someone else," Jen growled.

"No getting off!"

"This is what being sexually repressed will do to you," Jen commented. Asuka spun and pounced at Shinji.

"Die!" Shinji raised and eyebrow as Asuka slumped over unconscious. He then glanced at Jen, who had been standing behind Asuka, and then at the needle in her hand.

"We're supposed to go an entire week without fun," she stated, trying to smile sweetly. In the end it just looked lecherous. "I need something to hold me over.

"Mile high club here we come!" Pandora cheered.

"Literally," Shinji commented dryly.

(:ii:)

"What time did she say that they would be arriving?"

"At noon," Gerald replied as he glanced at his watch. Asuka was currently fifteen minutes late and counting.

"I'm going to kill that pilot!"

"Now Asuka, calm down."

"He made us late!" Gerald turned and saw a small group walking along the concourse. The redhead in front immediately caught his attention. "I can't believe that asshole! Why in Christ's name would he circle the airport twenty times?"

"Asuka?" The redhead froze and turned to look at him.

"Daddy!" She started to bound forward, but a black-clad hand grabbed the scruff of her coat and lifted her off the ground.

"Calm down," the hand's owner said simply. "You're a little big to tackle people, aren't you?"

"Shut up Shinji!" Asuka broke away from the man and hurried over, but at a much more subdued pace. Gerald grabbed the woman in a tight hug and then held her away so he could look at her.

"My little Asuka is all grown up now!" Gerald wailed.

"Dad!" the woman whined plaintively.

"I'm sorry. I must be embarrassing you." Gerald fought to keep his tears under control.

"If that embarrasses her then we haven't been doing a good job."

"Really." Gerald turned and stared at the group of people as Carol grabbed their daughter in the tight hug. The strange-looking man in front caught his attention.

"You must be Shinji."

"Uh, yeah," the man said, looking surprised. "How did you know?"

"Asuka told me," Gerald explained. "I was sorry to hear about you father's passing." He frowned as a grin spread across the young man's face.

"I'm not."

"Well," Gerald began awkwardly. "I guess he was a hard man to live with."

"Never had to live with him."

"Stop being an asshole!" Asuka snapped.

"Sorry," Shinji said. "I'm Shinji Fenrir. It's a pleasure to meet you." Gerald shook the man's hand.

"Fenrir?"

"The name of my adopted family," Shinji explained. "This is my wife Yuki."

"Hello," the blue-haired woman said brightly.

"And our friends Pandora and Jennifer Lee-Fenrir." Gerald smiled at the golden eyed woman and the woman wearing a large floppy hat and sunglasses.

"Hello," Gerald replied. "Oh, this is my wife Carol."

"Pleasure," Carol stated.

"Well there's no use standing around," Gerald stated. "Let's get going. I've had a nice late lunch prepared at the house."

"That sounds great," Pandora stated. "I'm starving."

"Too much physical activity," Shinji commented. A snicker ran through out the small ground. Gerald shrugged it off and turned to glance at his daughter. The livid look on her face was more then enough to keep him from asking.

"The car is this way."

"That's alright," Shinji said as he slung a massive tan bag up over his shoulder. "I've already arranged transportation."

"Oh," Gerald replied. "Well I'd better come with you to give directions, alright?"

"Sure."

"Are you sure there's room?" Jen asked. "I thought you only owned muscle cards and motorcycles."

"You'll see," Shinji said with a grin.

(:ii:)

"There he is." Yuki turned and stared at the vehicle that was pulling up to the curb. "Isn't she a beauty?" There was a moment of silence before anyone spoke.

"Jinkies," Pandora said finally. Yuki just stared at the blue and green van that had pulled up. Her eyes drifted to the stenciled words on the side.

"The Mystery Machine?"

"Yeah," Shinji cheered. "Isn't it great?"

"Yeah," Gerald stated. Yuki turned and stared at the man. Behind him Asuka was turning bright red again. Yuki couldn't really figure out what she had to be angry about.

"Hi Uncle Shinji!" Yuki turned back to see a giant black man climb out of the van.

"Hey Jinx," Shinji replied.

"Uncle?" Gerald repeated.

"Yeah," Shinji answered. "This is my brother's son. How have you been?"

"I've been pretty good," Jinx replied.

"So who is she?"

"What?"

"I have a good nose Jinx," Shinji growled. "So who is she?"

"Well," Jinx began, "I'm getting married. I was actually trying to figure out how to contact you when you called."

"That's great!" Yuki exploded. "Who is she?"

"You'll get to meet her sooner or later," Jinx replied. "You guys mind dropping me off?"

"Where?" Shinji asked.

"The main building for the ILP," Jinx answered.

"Not a problem," Shinji replied. "Let's go gang!"

"You can't be Freddie dear," Yuki commented.

"Why not?" Shinji asked.

"You're not gay," Pandora answered.

"Right," Shinji agreed. "Zoinks."

"Fucking stoner," Asuka growled as she pulled open the Mystery Machine's side-door and climbed inside.

"Stoner?" Gerald repeated.

"I'm kidding!" Asuka shrieked.

"I'm hungry," Shinji commented.

"Hey!" Pandora exclaimed suddenly. "You can be Shaggy and Scooby Doo!" Yuki laughed and glanced back at Jen. The other woman was being suspiciously quiet. Yuki found out that she was staring at the Mystery Machine and blushing heavily.

"Oh."

"What?" Jen snapped, turning defensive in a second.

"I guess this is what you would have been staring at during your early teen years instead of male models," Yuki commented quietly.

"Don't worry," Shinji whispered. "We'll put the big open space in back to good use as soon as we ditch the bitch and her old man."

"I heard that!"

(:ii:)

"Here it is," Gerald declared proudly. He looked around and saw the other occupants of the van staring.

"It's big," Shinji commented finally.

"Isn't it?" Gerald asked. "Let's not keep them waiting?"

"Them?" Asuka asked suspiciously.

"I have a surprise for you!" Gerald said proudly. The gate opened and Shinji started up the driveway. "You four will be staying with us, won't you?"

"I guess so," Pandora replied. "We'd hate to put a strain on you of course. It'd be no problem to find a hotel."

"Nonsense!" Gerald declared. "Friends of my dear Asuka are no strain at all."

"Lovely," Pandora replied.

"You hospitality is overwhelming," Shinji added.

-End

(:ii:)

-Author's notes. Poor Shinji and crew. This is going to be fun. Alright, now for the seriousness. This is it folks, my last chapter of the summer. I leave on the seventh and get back early September. I'll have a new chapter of something up for you as soon as possible.


	3. Chapter 3: Home Sweet Home

I really don't own anything. Kind of a shame because I'd love to see this story animated.

Lycanthrope 3: Meet the Parents or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb

-Chapter Three: Home Sweet Home

"Wow." Shinji's neck was beginning to hurt from constantly looking up. The Sohryu manor was big.

"This way," Gerald called pleasantly. Shinji tightened his grip on the straps of his duffel bag and followed the man with the rest of his family in tow.

"I didn't know Asuka's family had this kind of money," Yuki whispered. "Did you?"

"Of course," Shinji replied as he stared at a painting of an older red-haired woman. "We shared memories, remember?"

"Why didn't you mention it?" Yuki demanded.

"Not my business," Shinji replied.

"So, Mister Fenrir," Gerald began. "Asuka tells me that you like to invest."

"Uh. . .yeah," Shinji replied.

"May I ask what you invest in?"

"Gun companies and real-estate," Shinji replied. He was getting the eeriest feeling that all the paintings in the long foyer were watching him.

"Interesting that you invest in two such different fields," Gerald commented.

"Well, humans are always going to go to war and they're always going to need to live somewhere." Gerald laughed.

"Too true," he stated. "Our own family was largely involved in World War I in the production of airships. Afterwards we moved into pleasure craft, but that died out."

"Asuka told us," Shinji replied.

"Here it is!" Gerald declared, throwing a set of double doors open. Shinji stared at the feast inside.

"Grub!"

"Whoa!" Shinji managed to grab Jen and Yuki by their collars as they tried to rush in. "Behave!"

"Well, thanks Shinji," Asuka stated, sounding surprised.

"Me first!" Shinji never even saw Asuka's fist coming.

(:ii:)

"You broke his nose!" Yuki sighed and watched as Gerald continued to shout.

"I didn't mean to!" Asuka shouted back. A loud rumbling filled the room. All eyes turned on Shinji.

"I'm hungry."

"See?" Asuka demanded. "He's fine!"

"Knowing you for all these years, I doubt he's a stranger to pain." Yuki turned and stared at the new woman.

"Who are you?"

"Angela Sohryu," the blonde-haired woman stated. "I'm Asuka's sister." Yuki frowned. Angela Sohryu, that name sounded really familiar. The blond stepped up to Shinji. "Ever seen indoor lightning?" she asked, plucking off Shinji's ruined sunglasses.

"If you only knew," Shinji replied. Angela reached down and quickly straightened Shinji's nose with a crunch and a squeak, both from Shinji.

"All better." Yuki glanced at Asuka's father. He didn't seem surprised.

"I take it this happened a lot before?"

"If you only knew," Gerald replied in an exasperated tone. The door banged open and Asuka's mom flew into the dining room.

"I just called the doctor!"

"What for?" Shinji asked.

"Never mind," Carol said with an exasperated sigh. "You know he's married right?" Yuki turned back to see that Angela was still standing over Shinji, almost straddling his sitting form.

"You have really pretty eyes," she stated.

"Uh. . .thanks," Shinji replied.

"They aren't natural, are they?"

"Nope," Shinji replied, inching his chair backwards. "It's a result of being a pilot." Angela turned and stared at Asuka.

"Yes," Asuka stated before her sister could ask. She pulled off her sunglasses.

"Oh. What about you?" Yuki frowned as all attention turned on her.

"Well," she began, trying rather hard to blush and look embarrassed. "Certain. . .activities can swap whatever it is that affects eye color." Angela blushed.

"I see."

"Perfectly natural for a married couple," Gerald added. He frowned and glanced at Jen.

"Uh. . ." Jen began. She looked around jerkily. Yuki sighed. Ever since her change, Jen didn't always handle pressure too well. "She's my bitch!" Jen cried, stabbing a finger at Asuka.

"My little girl's a bitch!" Gerald wailed. Yuki felt sorry for him until he continued. "I'm so proud! She does take after me more then her mother!" That was about the time Asuka's eyes rolled back in her skull and she fainted.

"What do we do now?" Carol asked.

"Eat while its peaceful," Shinji stated, moving his chair to the table. "Dig in!"

"Hear, hear!" Gerald proclaimed, moving to sit next to Shinji and beginning to eat with similar gusto.

"Fuck it," Yuki said in exasperation. She sat down and began to eat too.

(:ii:)

Asuka blinked blearily at the ceiling and looked around. Where was she? The room was familiar. So was the woman sitting by her bedside. "Yuki."

"Hello," Yuki responded. "Finally awake, eh? You missed dinner."

"How long was I out?" Asuka asked.

"Couple of hours," Yuki replied. "What do you remember?" Asuka frowned and tried to piece together her foggy memories.

"Jen! I am going to rip herin half!"

"You remember enough apparently," Yuki commented.

(:ii:)

Shinji glanced up and sighed. "She's awake."

"Yep," Gerald replied. Shinji turned back to the glass case in front of him.

"What about that one?"

"That's an original 1908 Luger chambered for the 7.65mm Luger catridge," Gerald stated proudly. Shinji whistled appreciatively.

"Must have cost an arm and a leg."

"You have no idea." Shinji looked at the other cases around Gerald's study.

"Do they all work?"

"Of course!" Gerald exclaimed. "I take a few out to the shooting range every week."

"Good man," Shinji replied, carefully picking up a Swiss Luger from the 1900s.

"So what about you?" Gerald asked. Shinji set the pistol down and grinned.

"Thought you'd never ask," he replied as he grabbed his roll-up bag. "Hold this." He thrust the bag into Gerald's arms and went for the Hardballer holstered on his waist. He froze as he heard and loud bang and a pained squeaked. He turned and saw that Gerald had collapsed under the bag's weight and was now pinned under it.

"It's squishing me!"

"Oops." He snatched the bag up and suddenly realized that he was doing something Asuka would beat him for. He set the bag down quickly, trying to play off the fact that he had lifted several hundred pounds with one hand. "Uh. . .steroids? I'm a baseball player"

"If you say so."

(:ii:)

"Hey Gramps!" Bob looked up and scowled at the blond-haired man walking towards him.

"Don't call me Gramps pup."

"Whatever you say Gramps," Jinx replied. Bob sighed.

"I get no respect."

"You have to give it to get it," Jinx commented.

"True," Bob replied with a shrug. "What brings you around here?"

"You'll never guess who's staying in Germany," Jinx stated.

"The Pope?" Bob guessed.

"No."

"Hugh Heffner?"

"A few less girls and the ability to get it up without pills." Bob sighed. That description only fit one individual.

"Great. My wayward son."

"Wayward in that he gets a lot more action then you?" Jinx asked. He never even saw the book flying at him until it hit him flat in the face.

"You may be big, but I'm older and meaner," Bob growled. "I'll have you know my love life is going swimmingly."

"Yeah, swimming in a saggy. . ." Jinx never finished that sentence as a boot connected directly with his head.

"What were you about to say?" Angel demanded as she put her boot on his throat and pressed down.

"Nothing!" Jinx squeaked, writhing and trying to draw breath.

"Good boy," Angel stated. She removed her foot and Jinx gasped in two lungfuls of air. "So Shinji's in town?"

"Looks that way," Bob replied.

"That vampire's been asking about him."

"Craven?" Bob asked.

"No. The one that wants to jump his bones."

"Mana?" Bob demanded. "That's really funny Angel, a vampire and a lycan."

"Yeah," Angel replied dryly. "Real funny."

-End

(:ii:)

-Author's notes. PFC Cynical reporting as ordered. That's right ladies and gentlemen, your favorite nutcase is back and can now hit a man at five hundred yards with an M16A2 service rifle. Updates are back on.


	4. Chapter 4: Cute and Wrong

I don't own anything.

Lycanthrope 3: Meet the Parents or: How I learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb

-Chapter Four: Cute and Wrong

"Well, Daddy certainly seems to like him." Asuka nearly jumped out of her skin.

"Angela," she hissed in annoyance. The blond-haired woman peaked into the room where Shinji and Gerald were excitedly gibbering about handguns. "Don't surprise me," Asuka added with a growl.

"Whatever." Angela considered Shinji carefully, a little more carefully than Asuka would have liked. "He is kind of cute." Angela glanced at Asuka. "You look like you want to kill someone."

"It's nothing." Asuka desperately tried to control the twitching of her eye. She should had left her sire mangy and scraggly.

"How steady is there marriage?"

"They love each other," Asuka stated. "And he's very loyal." That was true enough. It was Yuki who was always looking for another woman.

"Good for them," Angela commented. "Although, I think that Pandora girl has a bit of a crush on him."

"Yeah," Asuka replied shortly.

"Why doesn't she ever take of her hat?" Angela asked.

"She has her reasons."

"Are you really Jen's. . ."

"No!"

(:ii:)

Shinji glanced up at the all too familiar scream. "Asuka?" The door leaning into the room slammed shut. "Yup."

"She's always been a little nosey," Gerald commented as he inspected Shinji's custom Smith and Wesson .460 magnum. "What possible use could you have for this?"

"Long range target shooting." Shinji decided that telling the older man what the targets were would have been a bad idea.

"Ah." Shinji's stomach growled loudly. He glanced at his watch and stared in surprise.

"It's after midnight," he commented. "I'm hungry." 'I hope the Germans don't taste as bad as the French.'

"The maid went home," Gerald stated. "However, there is a Krispy Kreme in town." Shinji hesitated. Questionable tasting person or definitely tasty doughnut? 'Oh. . .what would a boy scout do?'

(:ii:)

"I'm going out." Angela glanced up as her sister's traveling companion stepped into the kitchen. "Want me to get you something?"

"I had a big meal before I left Hawaii," Asuka replied.

"I noticed," Shinji commented. "You didn't touch the meal in the hall."

"It wasn't appetizing," Asuka stated.

"You want anything?" Shinji asked.

"I don't think she'd want anything you brought back," Asuka stated before Angela could speak.

"You never know," Shinji commented. "People have strange tastes." Asuka threw her shoe at him and he dodge quickly, laughing the whole way out the door. Angela frowned at the strange little conversation. She stood quickly.

"Actually, I am hungry. I think I'll go get something to eat."

"Whatever," Asuka replied. "Just leave Shinji alone. He hangs out in bad places."

"I'm a big, tough girl," Angela replied. Asuka stared at her and Angela felt nervous.

"I'm not talking about fighting," Asuka stated finally. "You might just end up dead."

"Alright. I won't follow him."

(:ii:)

"Now where the fuck did he go?" Angela looked around and felt like screaming. Shinji Fenrir had drunkenly staggered from one bar to another, only getting into two fights and joining in for about twenty drunken singing contests. His grasp of drinking songs was impressive. "That asshole."

"I'm not the one following someone." Angela shrieked and spun around to stare at Shinji. He pulled a doughnut out of his bag and stuffed it in his mouth. "Ish kinda roohd," she slurred around a mouthful of dough.

"Why aren't you drunk?"

"I have an extremely high metabolism," Shinji replied. "It's why I have to keep going from bar to bar. Bartenders keep cutting me off so I can't keep my buzz."

"Do you have any idea how high your metabolism would have to be?" Angela demanded. Shinji stared at her for a moment and pulled up his shirt. Angela stared at his abs.

"Wow."

"You think I get these from eating right and exercising?" Shinji asked as he lowered his shirt again. "I have almost no body fat. It's the same with Yuki, Asuka, and Jen." Angela frowned as she considered that. She had noticed how Yuki and Jen had eaten and had been wondering how they kept their figures. Angela herself nearly worked herself to death to keep her own perfect figure.

"How did you wind up like that?" Angela demanded.

"You don't want to know." Shinji ate another doughnut and began walking. Angela hurried after him. "Doughnut?" Angela stared at the offered pastry.

"I've never seen a red glazed doughnut."

"Not that one." Shinji started to put it back in the bag, but Angela quickly grabbed it.

"Where did you get this?"

"The guy at Krispy Kreme was an asshole," Shinji stated. "I took it up with the manager and I got it from him. You won't like it." Angela took a bite.

"It's a little salty," she commented. "Actually, it's pretty good."

"Like I said," Shinji stated, "people have strange tastes." He stuffed another doughnut in his mouth.

"Shinji Fenrir!" Angela spun and shrieked as something pounced out of the darkness and slammed into Shinji.

"Mph!" Shinji cried in alarm as he toppled to the ground. He swallowed. "Mana!" Angela's breathing slowed as she took in the scene of a young red-haired woman sitting on Shinji's chest.

(:ii:)

"Morning Shinji." Shinji stared up at the grinning vampire.

"Morning," he returned. "You're not exactly a pixie. Could you get off?"

"Asshole." Mana stood and helped him to his feet. "You know, most girls would be hurt if they were called fat."

"Most girls don't weight as much as you," Shinji shot back. Mana grinned and grabbed him a hug that made his ribs groan in protest.

"So much for being loyal." Mana pulled back and stared at Angela.

"Dinner?"

"Asuka's sister," Shinji corrected. He tried to ignore the throbbing in his side and picked up his bag of doughnuts.

"I know that smell." Shinji held out the bag and Mana grabbed on.

"Who is she?" Angela asked finally.

"A pain. . .in. .my side." Finally the pain in Shinji's side became too much and everything went black.

(:ii:)

"What did you do?"

"I didn't do anything! What did you do?"

"I just caught up with him!"

"So did I!" Angela took a deep breath and stared at the prone man. Mana kneeled and rolled him over.

"Oh."

"Oh what?" Angela demanded. Mana pulled up his shirt. "What are you doing?"

"Look." Angela looked at where the redhead was pointing.

"Oh my God." Shinji's ribs were covered in extremely vivid bruises. She had been too busy staring at his abs to notice before. "He was mugged!"

"Nah," Mana replied. "He just got into a fight. He does it all the time."

"He does? Why?"

"Fighting is fun," Mana stated. "Well, he's no stranger to waking up in the gutter, but I'll be nice this time. I'll take him back to my place." Angela wasn't sure she liked the look in Mana's eyes.

"I think we should take him back to where he's staying," she stated.

"Where's that?"

"My place," Angela replied, trying not to be smug as Mana's eyes narrowed.

"Yeah, right."

"Besides, his _wife_ is there." Mana's eyes widened.

"Yuki? Why didn't you say so? To your house we go!"

"We?" Angela repeated.

"Try dragging him." Angela seized Shinji's hand and gave a casual tug. Then she tugged a little harder. Finally she threw her wait into it. Shinji didn't move an inch. It was like trying to drag a tractor trailer, a big bruised up one.

"What the hell?"

"You can't move him," Mana stated. She grabbed Shinji by the belt buckle and hefted him over her shoulder. "Now where to?"

"Uh," Angela replied brightly.

(:ii:)

"Ngph!" Shinji jerked awake and looked around the room he was in. He quickly decided that he had never been here before. He had passed out and woken up in a strange room. "Not again."

"You're up." Shinji looked up and saw Jen at the door. She walked in and sat down. "Have fun on your first night in Germany?"

"Oh yeah," Shinji replied. "Ran into a couple of things talking smack about the Ireland team. They needed to learn just who was going to take the win this year."

"My sire is a hooligan," Jen stated in annoyance. "What kind of things did you fight?"

"I don't know," Shinji replied. "They hit hard though. How did I get back?"

"Mana carried you back and then passed out in exhaustion," Jen replied. "The sun's been up for an hour so Mana's stuck here."

"Oh." Shinji's side throbbed again and he lay back down. "I think I'm going to sleep a little more." The person next to him snorted and cuddled up to his uninjured him. Shinji glanced down and felt an eyebrow rise as he caught sight of red hair.

"Heh. I guess I should have mentioned where Mana passed out," Jen stated.

"Maybe."

"You two were just too cute to break up," Jen stated. "Well, cute and wrong."

"Cute and wrong," Shinji repeated. "That's just our style. Good night." He wrapped an arm around the vampire and snuggled up to her cool body.

"Night," Jen returned.

-End

(:ii:)

-Author's notes. You aren't gonna believe this. The 3 and a ½ drive on my computer is shot. The computer is also so old is has no USB drives. That means every story I have saved on there must be transcribed to me laptop and then transferred to the family computer to be put on the internet. Well, that would be the case, except now the 3 1/2 floppy ain't working on that bitch and neither do USB. This update comes directly from my old high school. I got a teacher here who thinks my writing is an excellent habit, if only I'd get into original stories and ones that weren't so vulgar. Oh well, can't have everything. Thanks Mister H!

But I'll still do it because I love you guys.

P.S. Guess what the red glaze was. Go on, I triple dog dare you.


	5. Chapter 5: Fathers

I don't own anything.

Lycanthrope 3: Meet the Parents or: How I learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb

-Chapter Five: Fathers

"Good afternoon."

"Ngh," Shinji grunted. He opened one of the cupboards and extracted a new bottle of Jagermeister. He pulled the top off and took a deep drink.

"Well aren't you a breath of sunshine," Gerald commented.

"Long night," Shinji stated as he sat down. "Breakfast?"

"Lunch," Gerald corrected. "Where's that charming young woman who carried you home?"

"Still asleep."

"Ah," Gerald replied. "Was she part of that long night?"

"No, but a couple of idiots who thought Germany had a chance at the cup this year were."

"I happened to think Germany has an outstanding chance at the cup," Gerald stated.

"Don't start old man," Shinji growled, his eyes narrowing.

"Care to make a wager?"

"Go soul for soul?" Shinji asked.

"Already sold my soul," Gerald stated. "Now, about that long night. . ."

"Yeah?" Shinji asked.

"You move pretty fast." Shinji stared at the offered newspaper and took it.

"Hey, my stocks are going up!"

"Not that," Gerald growled. "The front page." Shinji flipped the paper over to the front page. There was a big picture of him and Angela sharing doughnuts.

"World famous pop star and a possible new beau?" Shinji read. "Oh, right. Angela Sohryu is a pop star. I should have known that, shouldn't I?"

"Yes," Gerald stated. His head seemed to swell to massive proportions and take on a very demonic appearance. "Now shall we talk about dating my daughter?"

"Eh." Shinji quickly cowered. He was really starting to hate fathers.

(:ii:)

"Banging Asuka's sister, huh?" Shinji glared at his mate.

"Don't you start."

"Okay, I was just joking." Shinji collapsed in his seat. "Had a run in with Mister Sohryu?" Shinji growled. "You have a way with girls' fathers."

"Morning." Shinji turned and saw the red-haired vampire walking down the stairs.

"Afternoon," Shinji corrected.

"More like evening," Yuki corrected. "What are you doing in town?"

"Well, Craven and Rebecca are here. . ."

"Craven's here?" Shinji demanded.

"Yeah," Mana replied.

"The game is on!" Shinji shrieked and disappeared up the stairs in a heart beat.

"Game?" Mana asked. "What game?"

"The Surprise game."

"Huh?"

"It goes something like this. . ."

(:One Year and Some Months Ago:)

Craven looked around the church and frowned. Where the hell was Shinji? He hated these places and wanted to get out as soon as possible. "Good morning my child."

"Good morning Father," Craven returned. "Have you seen a man about this tall with orange eyes and three colors in his hair?"

"No I haven't," the priest stated. "Might you have any sins to confess?"

"I wouldn't know where to start," Craven stated.

"The beginning is usually a good place," the priest commented as they stepped aside for a procession of nuns.

"Surprise!" Craven spun and saw one of the nuns rear back, revealing that the nun was in fact Shinji Fenrir. Then he saw an oversized red boxing glove flying at his face.

(:One Month Later:)

"I hate Christmas."

"Stop being such a bitch," Yuki growled as she piled another shopping bag on top of her mate. "Oh look; they're getting their pictures with Santa." Shinji turned and saw Asuka, Jen, and Pandora all trying to squeeze onto Santa's lap.

"Looks like he's having a good night." Shinji stared a little harder. The Santa looked kind of familiar. "Does he look familiar?"

"He's Santa," Yuki stated. "We can take a break here." Shinji sighed in relief and dropped all his bags.

"My back!"

"You won't mind when you see what we got for you," Yuki stated. "That's strange." Shinji spun to see the mall Santa charging at him wearing oversized red boxing gloves.

"Surprise!"

(:Four Months Later:)

"Was this really necessary?" Craven asked in annoyance.

"Of course!" Rebecca exclaimed.

"Your turn, miss," the mall attendant said. Rebecca walked through the gate and quickly sat on the Easter Bunny's lap. "Will you be joining her, sir?"

"Not on your life," Craven stated.

"Come on Craven." Thankfully Craven had become quite immune to the younger vampire's sad puppy dog eyes.

"Smile!" The camera clicked and Rebecca hopped off the man in the giant, pink, fuzzy bunny suit.

"Can we leave now?"

"Sure, killjoy."

"Surprise!" Craven spun in time to see the Easter Bunny, now wearing over-sized boxing gloves, hop over the fence and swing.

(:Five Months After That:)

"This place is kind of cool." Shinji looked around the restaurant. "So they have really good steaks here?"

"Yeah," Yuki replied. "I still can't believe you remembered our anniversary."

"I may be a maniac, but I'm a good mate," Shinji growled. "Why does everyone think so bad of me?"

"No idea," Yuki commented. "How did you get the others to leave us alone for the night?"

"I hopped them up on Spanish Fly and locked them in a room together," Shinji stated, quite proud of his plan. "They'll be busy until some time next week."

"What about Asuka?"

"I threw her in there too," Shinji stated.

"Was that a good idea?" Yuki asked. Shinji hesitated.

"Seemed like one at the time," he stated.

"And now?"

"Not so much."

"We need to work on your impulse control," Yuki stated. "Oh, look!" Shinji glanced up to see the traveling magician heading for their table.

"Hello!" the magician exclaimed as he set his top hat on the table. "How is your evening going?"

"Good so far," Shinji replied friendlily.

"Pst." Shinji turned and stared at the top hat. "In here." Shinji felt an eyebrow raise, but leaned closer to the hat.

"What do you want Mister Magic Hat?"

"Surprise!" An oversized red boxing glove burst out of the hat and lay Shinji flat on his back.

(:Present:)

"You're kidding, right?"

"Nope," Yuki stated. "It's a guy thing I guess."

"I meant," Mana corrected, "Shinji remembered your anniversary and took you to a nice restaurant?"

"Yup," Yuki replied. "Why is everyone so surprised that he can be romantic?"

"I don't know," Mana stated. "So, you all be having fun since we last met?"

"Yup," Yuki replied.

"I take it your sleeping with Pandora too now?"

"Yeah," Yuki replied dreamily. "Kitty tongue."

"Asuka?"

"Nope," Yuki stated. "I still don't know how she's still holding out." Shinji reappeared. "Now where is that pompous parasite?"

"Parasite?" Yuki turned and watched as Angela walked into the room. "Do I even want to know?"

"Just looking for an old friend of mine," Shinji stated. "Now where are they?"

"Rebecca's playing a show in Berlin," Mana stated.

"Rebecca Lestrange?" Angela asked.

"Who?" Shinji asked.

"Rebecca's become a really big rock star," Mana stated. "You didn't know?"

"No clue," Shinji stated.

"You're clueless," Yuki grumbled.

"It's kind of cute," Jen commented.

"Get everyone together!" Shinji roared. "We're going to the rock show! To the Mystery Machine gang!"

"Mystery Machine?" Mana and Angela asked in synch.

"Yup," Yuki stated. "Don't ask."

"Jinkies," Mana stated finally. "Is the sun down yet?"

"Give it a few minutes," Shinji stated.

"The sun?"

"I have sensitive skin," Mana stated.

"Really sensitive," Shinji added. Angela frowned as the three began snickering. She hated inside jokes that she wasn't a part of.

-End

(:ii:)

-Author's notes. Here comes the plot, or at least the thin string that ties together a bunch of skits about violence/humor and sex/humor. I figures I might as well start now. And you knew I had to bring Mana back.

P.S. The Surprise Game is an actual game. I play it with my friends. We've never been that elaborate, but it does exist. I got the idea for the nun from Sea Lab 2021. In this one episode Marko dies and a grief counselor tries to make everyone grieve. She tries to make Shanks grieve with a puppet of Marko and Shanks whips out a boxing nun puppet. Then the counselor asks if that's how Shanks would have treated the real Marko. Cue flash back to Shanks dressed as a boxing nun.


	6. Chapter 6: How to Start a War

I don't own anything.

Lycanthrope 3: Meet the Parents or: How I learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb

-Chapter Seven: How to Start a War

"Here we are!" Shinji announced. He leaned out the window and stared at the concert hall.

"Who the hell do you think you are?" Yuki demanded as she tried to drag him back into the moving van, "Ace Ventura?"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah." Shinji jerked the wheel and slammed on the brakes. The van skidded around and slid into an open parking spot.

"This place is packed," Asuka stated. "How are we getting in?"

"I can get us in," Angela stated.

"So can I," Shinji stated. "Hand me that pack." Shinji took the pack and climbed out. "Let's go."

"What's in there?" Mana demanded. "You'd better not be trying to blow anything up!"

"Of course not," Shinji replied as he started towards the main entrance.

"Blow up?" Angela repeated.

"She's kidding!" Asuka snapped.

"Can I help you sir?" one of the security guards asked.

"I'm here to see Craven," Shinji stated. "Call him for me, would you?"

"And who would I say is calling?" the guard asked.

"Tell him it's Fenrir." The guard unbuckled his radio and spoke on it for a couple of minutes.

"Go right in sir. He'll be waiting for you in the foyer."

"Thanks." Shinji walked in with the crew in tow.

"You aren't going to punch him, are you?" Mana asked.

"Not outright," Shinji replied. "You have to wait for the right moment."

"Ah."

(:ii:)

"Hello!" Craven watched as his old friend turned and grinned.

"Parasite!"

"Rover!" Craven hesitated and took in the number of women standing around the lycan.

"Oh my God. Your harem is multiplying."

"His harem?" the blond-haired woman asked.

"He's joking!" Asuka snapped.

"Actually," Shinji began, "there are a few who aren't here."

"Really." Shinji nodded. "And you've shattered another taboo, eh? I never knew you had it in you, Mana."

"I haven't had it in me," Mana stated. She mumbled something that sounded an awful lot like 'yet'. A howl sounded somewhere and Craven frowned.

"How many of you are there?"

"That one's not with us," Shinji stated. Another howl sounded and then an answering one.

"This isn't funny," Craven stated. "If you're planning something, wait till the show is over."

"You're accusing me of planning," Shinji stated. Craven frowned as he considered that. Shinji sniffed the air. "There's a pack here. They're excited. It's a hunt."

"What's going on?" Angela asked.

"Not now," Shinji growled. "Asuka, do something with her. Everyone else spread out. Get ready to act." Shinji pulled a massive silver hardballer out from under his jacket. "Take this."

"There is a point when you really should just use a rifle," Craven commented.

"I have yet to reach that point," Shinji stated. He ejected the magazine and slipped a round drum magazine from the pack he was carrying and pushed it into the weapon's pistol grip. "It's a binary trigger. Just pull it back, keep it there, and hold on."

"You're demented," Craven commented.

"You're jealous," Shinji shot back.

"Damn strait," Craven commented as he took the pistol. "Try not to kill anyone."

(:ii:)

"This. . .this is weird."

"I know," Craven stated. "I don't get kids these days." Shinji looked around the undulating crowd and frowned. He couldn't see where Jen and Yuki were.

"I smell lycans," Pandora stated. "Lots of them."

"Yeah," Shinji replied. He took in the crowd slowly, watching their movements. "They're heading for the stage."

"You can see them?" Craven asked.

"We're pack hunters by nature," Shinji stated. "They're moving in a pack. Pandora."

"Yeah?" the dark-haired woman asked.

"Kitty-pault."

"Up and away." Shinji lowered his hand as muscles began to ripple across his already large frame. Craven watched in shock as the woman seemed to shrink in on herself until there was only a small black kitten sitting in a pile of clothes. The kitten leapt into Shinji's hand and he flung it towards the stage.

"You've been practicing that," Craven commented.

"Yup," Shinji growled.

"Don't transform all the way," Craven ordered. "You'll start a panic."

"I don't bother transforming anymore," Shinji growled. "It takes all the fun out of fighting."

"Can she handle a full grown lycan?"

"Pandora's stronger than she looks," Shinji stated. "Stay here."

"I can kill a lycan," Craven argued.

"You're a vampire," Shinji stated. "Do fire support when the shit hits the fan."

"Things change Shinji."

"Vampires will always be easy to kill," Shinji stated as he dropped slightly and kicked off. Craven watched as the man soared through the air.

"Vampires are," he agreed calmly.

(:ii:)

"Shinji and Pandora are moving on the stage," Jen commented. "Think we should do something?"

"I think we should let Pandora work out her sexual frustration," Yuki stated. "The girl's scary." A fully turned lycan burst onto the stage only to have Pandora land on it.

"Poor bastard."

"Yup. There's Shinji. This is going to be one hell of a cover up for Bob to take care of," Yuki commented.

"Isn't this being broadcast live?" Jen asked.

"Oh boy."

(:ii:)

"Shinji?" Shinji grinned at the shocked woman.

"Hey Becs."

"What the hell are you doing?" she demanded. "I'm in the middle of a show! Is this supposed to be a joke?"

"Nope," Shinji replied.

"And who the hell are they?" Shinji glanced to his left and watched as Pandora tore into the poor lycan.

"The girl's Pandora. I have no clue who the lycan is, but the little rascal is up to no good." Another lycan burst onto stage.

"And him?" Rebecca pressed.

"No clue." The lycan pounced and Shinji swatted it out of the air with an easy backhand. "Bad dog." Shinji let his claws extend and disemboweled the animal with a single swipe. Someone else stepped onto the stage and Shinji spun.

"Down boy," Craven ordered. "I think they're scattering."

"Cowards," Shinji growled. A lycan flew from the crowd and Shinji spun to face the new opponent. Instead of fighting he stared at the black spear that had pierced the lycan's chest and now held it suspended. Shinji followed the spear to where it disappeared up Craven's sleeve.

"Like I said," Craven stated, "things change." He raised the hardballer and pulled the trigger. The string of .50-caliber rounds knocked the lycan off the spike. Shinji watched in shock as the spike shrank and slowly separated into fingers.

"Things do change," Shinji agreed, "and then some people become freaks."

"That's a little harsh," Craven growled. In the sudden silence the sound of wild applause filled the void. Shinji looked up and stared at the crowd.

"You three put on a good show," Rebecca commented.

"Feh. Too bad we didn't have real lycans," Shinji growled, "breaking off an attack because a few were killed. If these little fuckers were in my pack I'd have killed them for cowardice." Shinji kneeled and examined the brand on one of the bodies. "Oh."

"What's wrong?" Craven asked.

"These little fuckers were in my pack."

"Oh," Craven agreed.

"Hey Craven?"

"Yeah?"

"Surprise." Craven spun in time to see a massive red boxing glove slam into his face. Shinji smirked as the vampire was knocked off the stage and onto the crowd who quickly formed a mosh pit around the groggy vampire.

(:ii:)

Bob stared at the television in horror. "How am I going to cover this up?"

"I don't think you'll have to," Angel stated. "Listen to that cheering. They think its part of the show."

"Thank Christ," Bob replied. His cell phone buzzed and he dug it out. "Hello?"

"Hey dick weed."

"Shinji?" Bob asked. "I was watching the concert."

"Ironic," Shinji noted. "Those lycans were from the Fenrir pack." Bob froze.

"What?"

"A lycan hit squad," Shinji continued. "They were trying to kill a prominent vampire. Sounds like an act of war, eh?"

"Where are you going with this?" Bob demanded.

"Who would want the war back on between vampires and lycans?" Shinji asked. "Just thought I'd warn you if you didn't know."

"If I didn't know what?" Bob demanded.

"There might be vampires going after a prominent lycan," Shinji stated.

"You're the most prominent," Bob stated.

"I know. Don't bother trying to find me. I might try to kill you." The line went dead. Bob slowly folded his phone and set it down.

"What's wrong?" Angel asked.

"Someone is trying to start a war between lycans and vampires," Bob stated. "Shinji thinks it might be me." It was a moment before Angel spoke.

"Are you?"

"No!" Bob snapped. "I have several friends who are vampires."

"Do you think maybe Shinji is trying to start a war?" Angel continued.

"Oh, hell no. He thinks killing vampires is the most boring thing in the world," Bob stated. "He's right though. Someone wants a war."

"We should call Shinji."

"He doesn't trust us," Bob stated.

"You're his sire!" Angel screamed. "How can he not trust you?"

"He is truly my childe," Bob stated. "I know he won't trust us because I wouldn't trust us in his place."

(:ii:)

"What do you think?" Craven asked.

"I'm not trusting anyone beyond who I travel with on this one," Shinji stated.

"How can you so easily turn against Bob?" Jen asked. "He's your sire."

"He's lied to me before," Shinji stated. "The fact is, every lycan we killed is from the Fenrir pack."

"We're the oldest, largest and most widespread pack," Yuki stated. "It could easily be a coincidence."

"Maybe," Shinji stated. "If someone does want to start a war, then I may be the next target."

"Why you?" Rebecca asked. "You aren't famous like I am."

"I am famous," Shinji corrected. "Among lycans, I am known around the world."

"Then they would be tracking you," Craven stated. "Where have you been staying?" Shinji felt his blood run cold.

"The Sohryus." He leapt to his feet. "I need a fast ride."

"My Tomahawk is in the parking lot," Craven stated. "I'll take whatever you have and meet you there."

"What should we tell Asuka and Angela?" Yuki asked.

"Nothing. Don't tell them anything till you get to the Sohryu manor," Shinji stated. He loaded a box-magazine into his hardballer and slipped it into its holster. "Jen, you're coming with me." She was probably the most dangerous member of the pack next to Shinji.

"See you in Bremen," Craven called. "Try not to kill everyone before we get there."

-End

(:ii:)

-Author's notes. Here comes the plot. Uh oh. You know I have the beginnings of a Lycanthrope lemon series on my hard drive. Just thought I'd mention that.


	7. Chapter 7: Asuka’s the What?

I don't own anything.

Lycanthrope 3: Meet the Parents or: How I learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb

-Chapter Seven: Asuka's the What?

"Whoa." Shinji stared at the four-wheeled monster before him. "Whoa," he repeated.

"Whoa," Jen agreed. Shinji turned to see that his childe had returned from the Mystery Machine.

"Get what you wanted?" Jen nodded and patted the bag slung over her shoulder. "Good." Shinji threw a leg over the Tomahawk and Jen slid on behind him with her arms around his waist.

"Do you know how to drive this thing?" she asked. Shinji stared at the controls.

"More or less." Shinji started the vehicle and felt the massive engine he was straddling rumble to life.

"Ooh."

"Stop that." Shinji swatted at the hands creeping down his torso.

"But. . ."

"Not now," Shinji stated as he kicked up the bike's support. "Later."

"On the bike."

"Okay."

"Promise?"

"Promise."

"Okay." Jen still pouted.

"While its moving," Shinji stated in resignation.

"Yay!" Shinji squeaked as Jen's hug nearly re-broke his ribs.

(:ii:)

Gerald sighed as the alarm continued to go off. "Are we being attacked?" Carol asked.

"Yes!" Gerald called back. "By those damn trees you insisted on planting around the patio."

"You don't complain when the neighbors can't see what we're doing out there," Carol replied. Gerald thought about this.

"I guess we'll just have to change the lasers," he stated. He turned back to the newspaper in his hands. It was great having the girls home and all, but he had forgotten how loud they could be. The doorbell sounded.

"I'll get it!"

"I wasn't going to," Gerald commented as he took a sip of the brandy sitting on the armrest of his favorite chair. He heard the door open and frowned.

"The lasers." His thoughts were interrupted by a shriek. "Carol!" Gerald watched as a dark-clad man stepped into the room dragging his wife by her hair.

"Hello Mister Sohryu," the man stated as he grinned, bearing two long fangs in place of his canines.

"Hello." Gerald's hand swung upwards, snatching the Luger he had been cleaning off the table. The German weapon cracked and the man stared at Gerald. "Good bye." A rivet of blood fell from the whole between the man's eyes and he dropped. Carol freed herself from the corpse's grip and jumped up. "Are you alright?"

"Fine," she spat as she slammed her foot into the corpse's side. "That hurt you bastard!" Gerald winced at the loud cracks and crunches coming from the man. 'Why am I always attracted to the violent ones?'

"Guess he was setting off the alarms," he commented as he checked his Luger. "Wonder what this one was after?"

"Money," Carol spat as she continued breaking the man's ribs. "Just like the last bunch."

"Can you stop making it look like we tortured him?" Gerald asked. "The last guy's family is still trying to sue me."

"You're the one who shot him in the ass while he was trying to crawl away," Carol stated. She now started on the man's fingers.

"He still had a gun!" Gerald snapped.

"They didn't care," Carol commented. "And what the hell is that noise?"

"It's the alarm," Gerald replied. After a moment they both froze.

"The alarm?" they both repeated.

(:ii:)

Shinji lay back on the throttle and stared at the house. He could see flashes through the windows. "What the fuck?"

"They're making a stand," Jen stated as she climbed off the bike and unslung her bag. She opened it and pulled the long 20mm semi-auto cannon out. She pushed an extended clip into the weapon and pulled the charging handle back.

"Aw fuck," Shinji grunted as he climbed off and drew his hardballer. "They are Asuka's parents." Shinji put a boot to the gate and it burst open. Down the street a van roared to life and shot towards them.

"Mine!" Jen shrieked as she dropped to a knee and raised her cannon. Two shots later the van burst into flames. Shinji stared at the rolling hulk and wonder.

"You aren't using that in the house."

"But. . ."

"No. Bad Jen. No explosives in Asuka's parents' house, clear?"

"Okay." Jen pouted. Shinji started towards the house.

"Mister Sohryu?" A burst of fire answered him. "God damn it! Stop shooting!"

"Shinji?" Shinji leaned in through the open window and stared down the barrel of the MP-40 aimed at his head. "Now about my daughters. . ."

"Not now," Carol interrupted. Shinji leaned into the room and looked at the bodies scattered around the room.

"Uh. Nice job."

"Thank you," Gerald replied as he pulled the sub-machinegun's magazine loose and checked it. "Vampires, eh?"

"Vampires?" Shinji repeated. Several explosions went off and Gerald quickly loaded his weapon.

"Relax," Shinji ordered. "It's Jen."

"Oh. Well, come inside." Shinji climbed in through the window.

"You're taking the news of vampires fairly well," he commented.

"I've seen weirder," Gerald stated. "Where are my daughters?"

"Safe," Shinji replied. Several move explosions went off and Shinji stuck his head out the window. "Quit playing around!"

"But. . ." Jen's voice whined from somewhere in the darkness.

"Get in here!" Shinji ordered.

"Now why were we attacked by vampires?" Gerald asked. Shinji frowned. Asuka would kill him if he blew their secret.

"Let me try," Carol stated. She snatched the MP-40 out of Gerald's hands and shoved the muzzle against Shinji's crotch. "Why were we attacked by vampires?"

(:ii:)

"Mom? Dad?"

"We're in here Asuka." Asuka sprinted into the kitchen and sighed in relief. "You're safe. Thank you Shinji."

"I didn't do anything," Shinji stated.

"But. . .all the bodies."

"They did it," Shinji stated.

"Now about this secret you've been hiding," Gerald stated. Asuka spun to stare at Shinji.

"You told them."

"Yeah."

"Everything."

"Yeah, but. . ."

"Die!" Asuka pounced on her sire and began to wring his neck.

"She was going to shoot Little Shinji!" Shinji shrieked. Asuka stopped and stared at her step mother.

"I have a secret too," Carol stated. "I have a genetic disposition to extreme violence."

"Hard to believe she's not your genetic mother," Shinji commented.

"I guess," Asuka stated as she climbed off of Shinji.

"Your mother and I are rather saddened that you couldn't tell us about this," Gerald stated.

"Mom? Dad?"

"They're in here," Asuka called. Angela appeared and sighed in relief.

"Who are all the bodies?"

"Vampires," Gerald stated. One of Angela's eyebrows crept upwards.

"Huh?"

"They're real," Carol replied. "So are a lot of creatures, werewolves, for example."

"Why does Asuka look ready to kill everyone?" Yuki asked.

"Shinji spilled the beans," Asuka stated.

"With a gun against my balls!" Shinji snapped.

"All the beans?" Pandora asked, sounding rather hopeful. Asuka nodded, too pissed off to think clearly. "Thank God!" The cat girl seized Jen by the hair and kissed her. "To the bedroom! Let's go Shinji."

"Not those beans," Shinji stated as he massaged his temples.

"Oh," Pandora stated. "Awkward." The only sound was that of Asuka hitting the floor as she passed out.

(:ii:)

"Still out cold?" Shinji closed the bedroom doors and nodded.

"Yep."

"Oh boy," Gerald stated. "How has she been with you people for so long? I know she has a strong aversion to sexual things."

"I'm her sire," Shinji stated. "We're kind of like family."

"Ah," Gerald stated. "So you turned her."

"Through a lot of odd coincidences," Shinji stated. "Do you have somewhere you can go?"

"Yeah," Gerald stated. "I called an old friend. She'll be by soon to give us a hand."

"Gerald?"

"Up here Lu!"

"Lu?" Shinji repeated. He sprinted to the top of the stairs and saw the raven haired woman at the bottom.

"Hey Shinji!"

"You know each other?" Gerald asked.

"You know each other?" Shinji shot back. "I'm a lycan. Why would a human know the Devil?"

"Humans make deals with the Devil all the time," Gerald stated.

"Daddy?" Shinji turned to see Asuka walk out of her room.

"How're you feeling?" Shinji asked.

"Better," Asuka stated. "Is that Lu?"

"Uh huh," Lu stated as she appeared at the top of the stairs. "What did you need?"

"Safe place for me and my wife," Gerald stated. "They're vampires after us."

"Alright."

"Alright?" Shinji repeated. "Just like that? What the hell do you owe this guy?"

"He agreed to help bring my child into the world," Lu stated. "I get him everything until he dies except for life extensions."

"So, Asuka's the anti-Christ?" Shinji asked. He turned to look at his shocked child. "Well I'm surprise." Asuka frowned.

"Uh. . .thanks?"

"It's so obvious now," Shinji stated.

"You asshole!"

"Mine!" Shinji spun as the familiar cry to see that Craven had appeared behind him wearing two oversized red boxing gloves. "Surprise!"

-End

(:ii:)

-Author's notes. I've had that idea since the first damn story. It's nice to get it out. I'm just cleaning up those lemons for no reason. They're not being posted. That would go against policy. REVOLUCION!


	8. Chapter 8: John’s Bar and Grill

I don't own anything.

Lycanthrope 3: Meet the Parents or: How I learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb

-Chapter Nine: John's Bar and Grill

Shinji stared at the ceiling overhead and reached up to feel his nose. He pinched it and whimpered as it crunched back into place. "Anything to say for yourself?" Gerald asked.

"It was worth it," Shinji stated. He sat up and glanced at the woman standing beside his child's father. "So, you got 'em Lu?"

"Yeah," Lu replied.

"Good," Shinji replied. "You wouldn't happen to know who's trying to start the war, would you?"

"Of course I do," Lu replied. "Rules say I can't tell you."

"What if I let you join in again?"

"You mean I have to start trading favors to sleep with you guys again?" Lu demanded. "That's not fair Shinji!"

"You're sleeping with the Devil?" Gerald asked.

"You made a deal with her!" Shinji shot back.

"You're plugging her hole!"

"Well I'm plugging the hole of an Angel too, so it evens out!" Shinji stated.

"Which one's an Angel?" Gerald asked.

"Oh, she's not here," Shinji replied.

"You mean there's more of them?" Gerald demanded.

"Only a few," Shinji stated. "Her name's Lilith."

"I seem to remember something about NERV using a part Angel," Gerald commented.

"She's a full Angel now," Shinji replied.

"I seem to remember her having blue hair, not unlike your wife."

"They're clones," Shinji replied. "They just have different eye colors."

"Ah," Gerald replied. He frowned suddenly. "Wait, clones? And you're sleeping with both of them? Isn't that like incest?"

"We prefer to think of it as advanced masturbation," Shinji stated.

"Ah. Twins, sort of."

"Yep." Shinji grinned. "It's as hot as they said it was in Hustler."

"That's a surprise," Gerald commented. "Usually the people who right in to Hustler have no idea what they're actually talking about."

(:ii:)

"So, what's the plan?" Shinji stared at the redhead across from him.

"I'm me," he stated finally.

"So, no plan," Mana stated.

"Nope," Shinji replied. "How are we supposed to find out who's trying to start the war?"

"Who has the biggest reason to start a war?" Jen asked. All eyes turned on Shinji and Craven.

"Why would we start a war?" Craven demanded.

"For fun," Pandora replied.

"She has a point there," Shinji commented.

"Yes, she does," Craven agreed. "One problem."

"Killing vampires is boring," Shinji stated.

"Killing lycans is boring," Craven stated.

"It is now," Mana growled. "What the hell was that back at the show?"

"Yeah," Shinji agreed. "What was that?"

"Just something," Craven stated. "I guess vampires can do more when they actually act like vampires instead of humans."

"Ah," Shinji replied. "Now, besides us, who would want to start a war between lycans and vampires?"

"Humans," Asuka stated. "But that only narrows it down to a couple billion people." Shinji scratched his chin. He knew he had pissed off a lot of humans, but to try and start a war? That was a little extreme.

"Can you think of anyone?" Mana asked.

"Only a couple thousand," Shinji answered. "You?"

"Same," Craven replied. "We can't just go kill every human. That'd be ridiculous."

"Even for us," Shinji commented. He checked his watch and frowned. "I have a friend to see."

"Who?"

"John," Shinji stated. "I heard he has a bar in town?"

"You mean John's?" Angela asked.

"I guess," Shinji replied. "Why?"

"That's where all the stars hang out," Angela commented. "Good luck getting in there."

"How does an armor dealer get a bar like that?" Shinji wondered.

"He's an armor dealer," Craven stated. "He probably pulls in almost as much money as his brother Jake did before you got him busted."

"I guess," Shinji replied. "Time to go."

"I'd better go with you," Angela commented. "You aren't getting in any other way."

"Suit yourself."

(:ii:)

Carol watched as the Mystery Machine disappeared down the street. "Maybe its time we tell Asuka the truth."

"What?" Gerald asked.

"Maybe," Lu commented. "She might finally get that stick out of her ass."

"I don't think that's a good idea," Gerald commented. "Plus, if we tell her, we have to tell Shinji. It involves him too." Carol glanced at Lu and frowned.

"Wipe that smirk off your face."

"I can't wait to see the look on her face when she finds out," Lu stated, trying to smother a smirk. "With all the screaming she does about perverts, wait till she finds out about her parents."

"You aren't going to tell her," Gerald stated.

"Well neither are you," Lu shot back. "Look how long it took you to explain the birds and the bees."

"I wanted to wait until she hit puberty!" Gerald growled. "That's not that weird!"

"In today's world if you wait that long the little bastards are going to learn it all from the internet," Carol commented. "Didn't you think it was weird when she asked about anal sex?"

"I figured it was some of her repressed memories finally coming to the surface," Gerald replied.

"Were we doing that the night she walked in on us?" Carol asked.

"I think so."

"If we were, it wasn't me," Carol replied. "I only tried that later."

"She was a kinky little thing, wasn't she?" Lu asked.

"Oh yeah."

(:ii:)

"Crowded," Shinji commented as he stared at the bar.

"Must be some famous people here," Craven replied. Shinji scowled. A red carpet had been set up and it was lined with idiots with cameras. He hated idiots, but he hated cameras more.

"You two can act as my body guards," Angela suggested. Shinji glanced at Craven.

"Intriguing," Craven replied.

"Say what?" Shinji asked.

"It means interesting," Craven replied. "This idea amuses me."

"Why can't you just say interesting?" Shinji grumbled. "Protecting a human does sound funny."

"About that," Angela began, "are you two really. . ."

"Yes," Craven interrupted.

"But. . ."

"We are," Shinji interrupted.

"Okay," Angela replied. "We aren't going in the Mystery Machine." Shinji ignored her and pulled up to the red carper. "Shinji!"

"What?" Shinji asked as he climbed out of the van. One of the valets quickly walked up and Shinji pushed the keys into his hand. "Don't touch any of the buttons."

"Yes sir," the valet replied.

"I mean it," Shinji stated.

"Okay sir."

"You're an asshole," Angela growled.

"He's a friend of Asuka," Craven commented.

"Shinji?" Shinji turned and saw a woman with red striped hair walking towards him.

"Hey Marm," Shinji replied, ignoring the cameramen flashing away at Angela. "You're pulling security for John?"

"It's a living," Marm replied.

"Is there any woman that you don't know?" Craven asked.

"Probably," Shinji replied. "I can't think of one off the top of my head, but probably."

"Okay you two," Marm stated. "The rules say no weapons. Head inside and give them all to the man in the tuxedo."

"I don't think so," Shinji replied with a grin. Marm's smiled dropped.

"Come on Shinji."

"People I'm supposed to trust already tried to kill me once today," Shinji stated. "Go for it Marm." Marm scowled and her eye color began to fade.

"Don't do anything stupid," Craven growled. Shinji just kept grinning. After a moment Marm sighed and her eye color returned.

"You're a cocky bastard," she stated. "Go on it, but one false move and you're ash. Got it?"

"Got it," Shinji replied. He stepped past the woman and continued on to the door.

"Do you know any normal people?" Angela asked.

"Do you?" Shinji shot back.

"Of. . ."

"Celebrities don't count," Craven interrupted. Angela just glared at them.

"I hate you both."

(:ii:)

Shinji looked around the bar and sighed. "I hate these places."

"I don't know," Craven replied. "These new age-y bars are kind of neat."

"Neat?" Shinji asked.

"Well. . .yeah, neat."

"If you say so," Shinji replied.

"Shinji!" Shinji turned and saw the man he was looking for walking towards him. "What a pleasant surprise," John added as he threw his arms around Shinji.

"For me too," Shinji replied. "I didn't know we were on a hugging basis."

"Of course we are!" John stated. "Every time I see you, I walk away with a lot of money."

"Good point," Shinji replied. "I need a new coat."

"You're last one should be in perfect condition," John replied. "You cannot have destroyed it in such short time."

"Uh, I did."

"You fuck!" Shinji gagged as the human grabbed his throat.

"Temper, temper," Craven suggested. "You're scaring your customers." John managed to pry his fingers away from Shinji's throat.

"Come with me. I think I have something you'll like."

"I'm grinning already," Shinji stated.

"You're always grinning," Craven commented.

-End

(:ii:)

-Author's notes. Meh. I'd say more, but that about sums up my thoughts right now. So again, meh.


	9. Chapter 9: Back on Track, Sort Of

I don't own anything.

Lycanthrope 3: Meet the Parents or: How I learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb

-Chapter Nine: Back on Track, Sort Of

"If you destroy this one in under a century I'll quit the armor business." Shinji stared at his new coat and frowned.

"It looks like my old one," he commented.

"Well, you're old one was perfection," John growled. "This one has only a few moderations. The collar is inspired by a Nazi field coat I saw in a museum." Shinji flipped the collar up and did the buckle that held it around his throat like a turtle neck that covered most of the lower part of his face. "It'll stop just about anything from taking your head off, not that you use it much." Shinji fingered the metal plates bolted onto the jacket's shoulders.

"The Fenrir crest," he commented. "Expecting me?"

"Always," John replied. "Anything else you need?"

"I want a story!" Shinji stated as he laid a very thick wad of bills on the table in front of the man.

"What kind of story?"

"One about vampire and werewolves and a new war." John considered him carefully.

"I've heard of a few unprovoked attacks," he began slowly. "Most of them are mysteries, but only a lycan could kill a vampire like in those attacks. The attack on you and Rebecca was the first major one."

"That's not exactly helpful," Shinji stated, reaching for his money.

"There's also talk of a new arms dealer in the paranormal world," John stated quickly. "We're not talking about someone like John either. This person is developing weapons with very specific purposes."

"What purposes would they be?" Shinji asked.

"Killing lycans mainly," John stated. "They've also developed a few other weapons, but most of the new products kill lycans. I think you pissed off someone really smart this time."

"Probably."

"What's his name?" Craven asked.

"Calls himself the Doctor," John replied. "That's all I've heard, but experience has taught me that no arms dealer hates war."

"Any idea of how to contact the Doctor?" Shinji asked.

"Find Jake," John replied. "He's still got his ear in the world of illegal arms, no thanks to you."

"It was an accident!" Shinji protested. "It's not like I led NERV right to him!"

"Whatever. I've heard some rumors that the Doctor is in Japan, anyway," John replied. "I know I'm going to regret this." Shinji perked up immediately.

"What is it?" John walked over to a large safe and opened it.

"Jake made this for that friend of yours, the one who likes really big guns." John pulled out the weapon and Shinji stared.

"Jen is going to freak the fuck out."

"Just don't use it here and you can have it," John stated, leveling the massive shotgun at Shinji. "40mm grenades make big messes."

"I know," Shinji replied, trying not to drool. He was definitely going to give that thing a try before Jen even saw it.

"When did Jake start making custom grenade launchers?" Shinji asked.

"It's not custom, it's modified," John clarified.

"What kind of fucking lunatic makes a 40mm pump action grenade launcher?" Shinji demanded.

"Americans," John replied as he wrapped a cloth around the weapon.

"Ah."

"Now get the fuck out before you destroy something."

"Yeah," Shinji agreed as he took the weapon. He nodded goodbye and stepped out of the back room.

(:ii:)

"The Doctor."

"I know," Craven replied. "This is going to be weird." Shinji made his way over to Angela and tapped her shoulder.

"We're done here." She turned and frowned.

"Your gun's showing." Shinji checked his fly. "No, your gun!"

"Oh." Shinji buckled his coat and frowned as the handle of his hardballer poked through the slit in the coat. He glanced up and shrugged. "I'm a gunfighter. Gunfighters should always have their gun handy."

"You're a real gunfighter?" the twit across from Angela asked. "That is so hot." Shinji stared at her for a moment and then turned back to Craven.

"I hate famous people."

"You're famous," Craven commented.

"I'm infamous," Shinji corrected.

"Uncle Shinji!" Shinji spun and saw his massive nephew running towards him. Without even thinking he thumbed the buckles holding the cloth around the 40mm and raised it. Jinx came to such a fast stop that he slammed face first into the ground.

"Fenrir!" Marm shrieked. Shinji ignored her and kept the weapon trained on Jinx as he rose.

"Uh. . .new toy?" Jinx asked. Shinji nodded. "You've had another falling out with Bob, haven't you?"

"More like general suspicion of the entire Fenrir pack," Shinji replied.

"Could you point that thing at my face?" Jinx asked. "I'd rather not be able to walk away after I've been shot with it." Shinji kept the weapon pointing where it was.

"You won't walk away from a groin shot either," he pointed out helpfully. The gun was becoming extremely hot to the touch and Shinji glanced up at Marm. "Do you mind? This is family business."

"Not it the bar!" Marm snapped. Shinji lowered the weapon and carefully wrapped it as Marm continued to berate him for lowered the bars mood. Finally he grabbed her by the back of the head and kissed her.

"I wasn't expecting that," Craven commented. Shinji pulled back and slung the weapon over his shoulder.

"Always works in my pack," he commented as he led the way out, leaving Marm to stare off into space with smoke coming out of her ears.

(:ii:)

Yuki glanced up as the door banged open and her mate walked in. "I'm home!"

"You don't say," she stated. "You got here pretty fast from that club."

"How do you know?" Shinji asked as he walked into the TV room. Yuki just pointed at the TV.

"They just finished talking about the famous Angela Sohryu and her new fiancé." Shinji frowned and turned to Angela.

"You're getting married?"

"You, you idiot!" Yuki shrieked. She loved her mate, but he could be the densest damn person on the planet.

"Oh, right," Shinji replied. "I've really gotta kill that rumor."

"Figuratively I hope," Angela commented she pushed past him.

"Sure," Shinji replied absently. "Where's Jen and Pandora?"

"Upstairs," Yuki replied. "Why?"

"We're going to Japan," Shinji stated.

"What's in Japan?" Yuki asked patiently, she was used to her mate's roundabout answers.

"The Doctor," Shinji replied. Now Yuki frowned.

"You hate doctors. I had to drag you to the last one."

"With good reason!" Shinji snapped. "She stuck her finger up my ass!"

"I know." All the anger in Shinji fled.

"You do?"

"You didn't really think that Agatha had gotten a doctor's degree, did you?" Shinji frowned and considered this. "Didn't you think it was weird that I came in dressed as a nurse and we. . ."

"Did something I don't want to know about!" Angela interrupted. Shinji scratched his chin.

"So," he began slowly, "you set it up?" Yuki nodded. "And Agatha isn't really a doctor?" Yuki nodded again. "And you're not really a nurse?" Yuki slapped her forehead in annoyance. Yes, her mate was the densest creature on the planet.

"I guess you really can only have brains or brawn," Craven commented. "Where's Mana?" Someone came stumbling down the stairs and Mana slinked into the room.

"You people are freaks!"

"Walked in on Jen and Pandora, eh?" Yuki asked. Mana's eye twitched. Shinji sniffed the air carefully and the murderous look from Mana kept his tongue from vocalizing his next thought.

"We're going to Japan," Craven stated. Something fragile upstairs shattered. Craven glanced up and frowned. "Oh, my."

"No," Shinji replied. "They're done. Pandora's just a klutz." Several more things shattered and the sound of someone falling down the stairs echoed in the TV room.

"A clumsy cat girl," Craven commented. "That just seems to suit you."

"It does," Shinji agreed.

"I'm going to go find the devil and get back to my normal life," Angela stated as she marched out of the room.

(:ii:)

Angel hung up the phone and frowned. "Shinji just pointed a shotgun at Jinx."

"He doesn't trust anyone from the pack at the moment," Bob replied. "I never understand why he is so ready to turn on my at the drop of a hat every time it looks like I'm doing something behind his back."

"Remember the last time you did something behind his back?" Angel asked. Bob scowled.

"I thought that sexaholics recovery group would be good for him!"

"They tried to make him go cold turkey!" Angel snapped. "If the girls hadn't gotten in and only killed everyone in their way, he would have broken out and killed everyone!"

"I had a good reason!" Bob shouted back, his mind racing for a suitable reason.

"Well?" Angel asked.

"He said your boobs were sagging," Bob stated calmly.

"The fucker must die!"

(:ii:)

"I'm riding in the Mystery Machine." Craven stared at the shag carper and the mini disco ball dangling from the ceiling. "I guess you really do get around to everything when you've lived for over a century."

"Looks like they have," Mana commented. She was flipping through a copy of the Kama Sutra. On each page there was a large check mark in the corner.

"Can I borrow this?" Rebecca asked.

"Sure," Shinji called back. "We moved on to the sequel anyway." The younger vampire took the book and Craven paled. He very much like have his hip joints where they were.

"So, what's the plan when we get to Japan?" Rebecca asked. Everyone present turned and looked at her.

"Eyes front!" Craven shrieked. Shinji looked back around as swerved out of the way of the oncoming tractor trailer. He stuck his head out the window and began yelling obscenities while Pandora drove the van from beside him. "He's not big on plans."

"Then how did he stop two impacts?" Rebecca asked.

"He sat in a bar and the answers fell in his lap," Jen stated. "Trust me, I was there for the second one."

"He was too young to sit in a bar for the first one," Asuka stated. "Plus our guardian had more booze at her apartment."

"I rarely drank her stuff," Shinji argued. "She growled at me almost every time I tried to take a beer."

"Like trying to take food from a dog," Asuka commented. "Or food away from you."

"I don't growl at people when they try to run," Shinji protested. Jen just smacked him on basic principle.

"Do you think the Doctor is involved with anyone we know?" Craven asked. "I know the elders have kept secrets before, but trying to kill you is a little extreme."

"You don't know some of the things Shinji has done to Bob in the past," Yuki commented. "Murder might be a little extreme, but mauling is definitely an option."

"He started it," Shinji pouted. "Besides, murder, torture and suspicion are what this pack is built on."

"I thought it was built on enough sex to have any family tree doing loop de loops," Craven commented.

"In all fairness, we aren't related like that," Shinji replied, "although a family tree of this pack would be kind of interesting."

"It'd look so twisted that only H.P. Lovecraft would be able to handle it," Craven replied.

"There was that one time with you, Yuki and Rei," Asuka hissed.

"She's been bringing that up a lot," Mana commented. Asuka's head whipped around fast enough that it looked like they'd have to call an exorcist.

"I'd hate to tell you," Jen began, "it's been a lot more than one time. Rei's pretty much become part of the pack whenever she's around."

"I didn't need to know that!" Asuka shrieked.

"You brought it up," Shinji replied.

(:ii:)

Misato stared at her phone and wished whoever was calling would just die. She had been about to make her break for freedom when it had gone off. After a few more seconds she snatched it up. "Can I have your name, social security number, and current location?"

"Hi Misato."

"Shinji?"

"Yep!" Misato sighed and sat back down.

"You only call when you need something any more."

"So?" Shinji asked. "I also always bring enough expensive liquor to make even you look a little green around the edges." Misato considered this carefully.

"What do you need?"

"I'm coming to Japan," Shinji stated. "I need to talk to Jake and I'm looking for the Doctor."

"Ritsuko?" Misato asked. "Haven't you done enough to that poor woman? Do you have any idea how expensive her psychiatry bills are? And she charges them to NERV!"

"Meh," Shinji grunted. "Just look for an arms dealer named the Doctor. They're trying to start shit."

"What kind of shit?" Misato asked.

"The kind where it's in your best interest to make them stop before I get annoyed and do it for you," Shinji replied.

"Who are you talking to?"

"It's just Shinji." Misato froze as she realized the words that had slipped out of her mouth. She spun in her chair and stared at her old friend. Ritsuko's eye twitched and for a moment Misato dared to hope that all that psychiatry had done something. Then Shinji's voice boomed from the phone.

"I can hear you breathing Ritsy!"

"He's going to kill us all!" Ritsuko shrieked. Misato sighed as Ritsuko turned and bolted, or at least tried to. The closed steel door got in her way.

"Ah shit. Two years of therapy down the shitter."

"Call you when I get there," Shinji stated cheerfully before hanging up. Misato stared at her unconscious friend.

"If I had killed you I could have already paid the legal fees twice over," she stated.

(:ii:)

Mana slowly came to her senses and looked around the inside of the plane. The lack of engine noise hit her quickly. "Are we in Japan already?" She looked around and found everyone still sleeping. She nudged Yuki awake.

"What's wrong?"

"We've landed," Mana stated. Yuki glanced at her watch.

"There's no way we're in Japan." Mana stood and looked around more carefully.

"Where's Shinji, Jen Rebecca, and Craven?"

"Oh no." Yuki dashed to the plane's door and pushed it open. "He did."

"Did what?" Mana asked as she stood behind Yuki and looked out. "This doesn't look like Japan."

"It isn't," Yuki replied. "This is Ireland." Mana poked her head out and looked around. Craven was wearing a green tuxedo and top hat and was passed out on the tarmac with Rebecca in what Mana could only guess was a pervert's version of an Irish maiden's dress on top of him. Shinji, similarly attired but with a green bowler and Jen were fornicating rather enthusiastically on the hood of a large green muscle care.

"Oh my God. That's a big gun."

"Thought you already saw it," Yuki commented.

"Not that gun, that one!" Mana pointed to the massive shotgun leaning against the side of the muscle car.

"Wow," Yuki replied. "That is a big gun." Shinji turned, saw them watching and waved at them with the hand that wasn't holding a pint.

"Happy Saint Patty's day!"

(:ii:)

-Author's notes. You know. I think I've lost sight of this story's goal. As far as I can remember, I've never given a shit about the plot of any of the Lycans, well, maybe the first one. With these stories the fun isn't in the destination, it's in the journey! And no, this story isn't back to weekly updates quite yet, but it will be.

Another Saint Patty's Day another definite Lycanthrope update date. Happy Saint Patty's Day! Someone call Guinness, I'm about to go from zero to drunk in whoa.


	10. Chapter 10: Another One?

I don't own anything.

Lycanthrope 3: Meet the Parents or: How I learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb

-Chapter Ten: Another One?

"Nyahr!" Shinji jerked awake and looked around. "Where am I?"

"Ireland." Shinji turned and saw Asuka sitting next to him with a book.

"I thought we were going to Japan," Shinji commented as he stood up and looked around. He was in a hotel room he had been in before. At least he knew where he was this time. Waking up in a strange place sucked.

"We were until you detoured the pilot for Saint Patrick's Day," Asuka growled. Shinji scratched his chin.

"That certainly seems like something I'd do." Asuka just gave a long-suffering sigh. "Where is everyone?"

"Out hunting," Asuka replied. "You and Jen have been out cold for three days." Shinji glanced back at the bed and his naked childe sprawled out across it.

"No wonder I'm hungry." He looked around the room once again. "Have you seen my pants?" Asuka's eye twitched.

"Over there." Shinji spotted the black jeans on the counter.

"Thanks." He pulled them on and found a green shirt with snarling bulldog and the words Devil Dog on the back. He had no idea where he had gotten it from. "Coat?" Asuka pointed and Shinji grabbed his coat from the closet. "I'm going to get something to eat."

"Do what you will." Shinji had the distinct impression she was ignoring him.

"Don't take advantage of Jen while I'm gone." The book that hit him in the face definitely said that she was listening. 'One of these days,' Shinji decided as he opened the door and came face to face with himself.

Shinji stared at the other him. He scratched his head and the other did the same in perfect mimic. Shinji frowned and so did the other. He glanced the other up and down. Yup, it was him. Same coat, same long, twisting black hair, same maniacal fanged grin, and same orange eyes. Shinji closed the door.

"How do I get out of here?"

"You're standing at the door," Asuka stated.

"I thought it was the closet."

"It's the door," Asuka stated.

"Why's there a mirror in the hall?" It was at that time that a massive black dog burst through the door. "Fight!" Shinji tackled the dog and threw it through a wall. Then he followed it with a Xena war cry.

(:ii:)

Yuki stepped through the destroyed door and looked around the hotel room. Shinji was sitting at the room's mini bar with a man who looked exactly like him. "You have a brother?"

"Nah," Shinji replied. "This is Alucard." The tall fanged man nodded to Yuki and continued to sip at a bag of blood. "He works for some company in England that kills monsters."

"Shinji," Yuki began slowly. "We're monsters."

"If I killed you all now, there'd be no one interesting left to fight," Alucard replied. "I didn't think monsters like you still existed, or your kind for that matter."

"We're prolific breeders," Shinji replied.

"At least he is," Asuka growled.

"The lycan population was at an all time low during the Second Battle of Britain," Shinji replied.

"I remember that war!" Asuka exclaimed. "My family bought the bank with the money we made off of those zeppelins."

"Maybe you shouldn't say that out loud," Yuki suggested. She looked around again. "We've definitely lost the security deposit."

"Again," Asuka hissed. Yuki eyed the two men. This was bringing back an old dream.

"Why don't you go hunting?"

"What for?" Asuka asked.

"Out!" Asuka scampered out quickly and Yuki turned back to the men. They were both looking a little nervous, maybe even afraid. Yuki grinned. 'Just like my dream!'

(:ii:)

"I love Ireland," Shinji replied as he watched his adopted homeland disappear below him.

"Hm," Craven hummed. "God I hope nothing bad has happened."

"Eh," Shinji replied dismissively. He looked around the inside of the plane. "I'm sure the world kept turning."

"And the Doctor kept cranking out new anti-werewolf guns," Craven commented. Shinji just shrugged.

"Keeps life interesting."

"Makes my life too easy," Craven complained. Shinji frowned, already bored with the conversation.

"I'm bored."

"Cargo hold?" Jen asked. Shinji considered this. He glanced at Yuki who was still grinning at the ceiling.

"Yeah."

"What about her?" Pandora asked, gesturing to Shinji's mate.

"She's had enough fun for one day."

(:ii:)

Marvin Lee watched as the large private plane cut smoothly through the sky and touched down with only the barest shudder. "He's good," the man beside Marvin commented.

"I suppose." The plane taxied around and the rear cargo ramp lowered.

"Daddy!" Marvin grinned as his daughter came sprinting down the ramp and towards him.

"Jen!" Through pure force of will he caught his daughter and swung her around, ignoring the pain shooting up his knees and his back popping in protest. He set her down and watched as a green 1965 Pontiac GTO roared down the ramp in reverse and pivoted on its back wheels.

"Hey Marvin!"

"Shinji," Marvin returned. The younger man climbed out of the car and walked towards him cautiously. "Relax. Jen's happy, so you live."

"Cool," Shinji replied as he straightened up. He shook Marvin's hand and only flinched slightly as Marvin tried valiantly to break his hand.

"So, you guys are here to find an arms dealer?"

"Arms developer," Shinji corrected as he recovered his battered hand. Marvin watched as the rest of Shinji's little harem walked out of the plane. It now, apparently, included a man.

"You swing both ways now?"

"No!"

"What about back in, Ireland?" Yuki asked.

"You were between us at all times," Shinji growled.

"What about when you were side-by-side and I was blowing your c. . ."

"When was this?" Jen demanded.

"Don't want to talk about it," Shinji growled as his eye began to twitch. Marvin knew that look. It was the one that preceded an Ikari explosion. The old commander had done the same thing.

"Who wants to go see the Commander?" Marvin asked quickly, clapping his hands cheerfully.

(:ii:)

Misato glanced up as the door to her office banged open. "Where the hell is Ritsuko?"

"I sent her home for the day," Misato stated. "If I have to pay another grand for her doctor's bills I'm going to have her executed."

"The joys of old friendship."

"Then I'm going to get all those little girls running around with you hopped up on Spanish fly." Shinji faulted for only a moment.

"They're just as likely to jump you any more," he commented. He looked her up and down. "Okay, I call shenanigans!"

"What?"

"There is no way your body can still be in that kind of shape," Shinji stated. Misato struck a pose. Yes, being over forty hadn't changed her attitude.

"Its something Ritsuko cooked up," she stated. "I don't know how it works, but it works and I'm not complaining."

"Is it legal?"

"Not complaining," Misato replied simply. "Where are the girls?"

"Marvin took them out to lunch," Shinji replied. "I think he just wanted to take Jen, but I stuck the rest of them with him."

"Piss him off at your own risk," Misato stated. "He's been taking the pills too and he's just as strong as when you left." She noticed how Shinji rubbed his hand.

"I noticed."

"So, what's up with this 'Doctor' guy?" Misato asked.

"Same old," Shinji replied.

"Trying to kill you?" Misato asked. Shinji nodded.

"And Bob might be involved." Misato rolled her eyes.

"Do you really believe that?"

"No, but it gives me an excuse for the epic beating I'm going to give him the next time I see him," Shinji stated. No one smart had ever accused the Fenrir pack of making sense. They had much preferred to describe the pack's abnormal appetite for destruction of any sort. Misato sighed and leaned back in her seat. She carefully went back over the conversation and frowned.

"The girls would jump me?"

"You have a fabulous rack," Shinji admitted. Misato smirked and leaned forward, quite pleased with her choice of a low-cut shirt.

"What about you, Shinji?" Shinji didn't bat an eye. Misato frowned and leaned back in her seat. How was she supposed to sexually tease a man if said man had already done everything possible with one and multiple women?

"Actually," Shinji began, breaking Misato out of her thoughts. "I'm more of an ass man. Yuki and the others love boobs, but I've always loved watching a tight ass in action. You have no idea how much I used to watch you just walk around the apartment." Misato's cheeks, the one on her face, turned bright pink. 'Down girl, he's half your age.' The moment Misato thought it; she was shooting that argument down. Shinji was a polygamous nymphomaniac with a polygamous, promiscuous, bi-sexual nymphomaniac for a mate and they had several other bi-sexual nymphomaniacs for lovers. The door banged open again and Yuki walked in.

"Hi Misato."

"Hi." Now that Misato was paying attention, she noticed that Yuki's eyes rarely rose above her neckline.

"You're still human, right?" Yuki asked.

"She's on some kind of pills Doc Akagi whipped up," Shinji stated. "I'm going to go find Jake." Misato watched as the door slid shut and slowly turned to look at Yuki.

"So, how's it going?"

"Uh. . .fine," Yuki replied. "Are you okay? You look a little nervous."

"I'm fine," Misato replied. She looked around. "Uh, would you girls really jump me?" Yuki's face spread into a wide grin.

"Maybe."

"Maybe?" Misato asked.

"You don't exactly sound horrified by the prospect," Yuki commented.

"I'm disgusted!" Misato announced. Yuki slowly began to stalk forward, her grin growing with each step.

"Really?"

"Maybe," Misato wimpered.

(:ii:)

Jake had been having a fairly typical day. That cute little tech on the third floor had tried flirting with him again, the coffee machine had eaten his money, and he had gotten a cease and desist order from the Commander for digging into things he shouldn't have been digging into. Yes, a typical day at NERV. That was until Shinji Fenrir had pounced at him from a closet. "Jesus Christ!"

"Got you!" Jake scowled at the grinning man.

"What the fuck are you doing here?"

"You're not happy to see me?"

"I am absolutely not happy. . ." Jake trailed off as the other man waved a big role of bills under his nose. "Ooh."

"You're happy to see me," Shinji stated. "I got your .50-cal Auto Hardballer."

"How do you like it?" Jake asked as he climbed back to his feet and fought the urge to make a grab at the money still being waved in front of him.

"Love it."

"Good," Jake replied as he straightened his collar and led the way towards his office. "I have something you'll probably really like."

"More than the 40mm?" Shinji asked.

"Probably," Jake replied absently. "After all, that one was for Jen. This one's for you." Jake pushed the doors to the armory open and walked inside. "Lights!" The lights flickered on.

"Does the armory officer know you've voice coded the lights?" Shinji asked.

"I am the armory officer," Jake stated. He opened a locker and pulled out one of his newest toys.

"Ooh." Shinji made a swipe for the gun, but Jake jerked it away. Shinji stared at him for a moment before understanding and holding out the role of cash. Jake took it and handed over the weapon. "What is it?"

"Winchester Model 1901 10-gauge with a new four round magazine, barrel sawed even with the magazine tube, and a saddle ring loop," Jake stated as he flipped through his earnings. Shinji spun the shotgun by the loop quick enough to make Schwarzenegger proud. "Anything else you need?"

"Information on the Doctor."

"Akagi?" Jake asked. "She's crazy and it's all your fault. That's all you need to know."

"Not that doctor. There's an arms dealer calling himself the Doctor."

"No, the Doctor is an arms designer," Jake stated. "I'm the dealer."

"But, but why?" Shinji asked, almost hurt by his old friend's admittance.

"Its good money," Jake stated as he tucked his pay away. "Plus, whoever he is, he's brilliant. Since I deal for him, I get to check out all the new toys first." Shinji considered this.

"Fair enough. How do you speak to him?"

"Contact in China," Jake stated. "You want a location beyond that, its going to cost you out the. . ." he trailed off as Shinji pulled out several more roles of cash. "Let me find the address."

(:ii:)

Misato glanced up as the door to her office banged open again. "Hey Misato!"

"Hey Shi-oh!"

"Shin-oh?" Shinji asked. Misato squirmed in her seat. "Been drinking?" Thank god he was dense.

"Fi-find out what you needed to. . .to know?" Misato stuttered.

"Yup," Shinji replied. "You seen Yuki?"

"She's, she's aro-oh!-ound."

"She's under the desk, isn't she?" Misato's eyebrow twitched. Maybe he wasn't that dense.

"Hi Shinji!" Yuki called.

"I'm hurt. Why wasn't I invited?"

"She's has another orifice," Yuki stated. "All she's been doing so far with it is moaning."

"Right," Shinji replied as he pulled down his zipper. Misato's eyes nearly bugged out of her skull.

"Oh my God!"

"Bet it's bigger than you remember," Yuki commented smugly.

-End

(:ii:)

-Author's notes. And so, Misato gets thrown into the harem with little fanfare. I bet I know the character you were hoping would get thrown in next, but there are still a few more chapters left. Here's a warning, this story ain't gonna end in some epic battle.

And for those of you who kept asking for Alucard, well, now you know never to ask me for anything again.

Also, ya'll didn't get the foreshadowing before, so I did it again. See if you caught it.

Also, also, yes this chapter is early. It's the first weekend of the month, so I'm off to drill. It was either early or late and I figured I'd be nice.


	11. Chapter 11: That’s the Doctor?

I don't own anything.

Lycanthrope 3: Meet the Parents or: How I learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb

-Chapter Eleven: That's the Doctor?

Yuki watched as Japan disappeared behind them. "I'm gonna miss Japan."

"We'll go back," Shinji replied. He leaned back in his seat and puffed away happily on a long, green cigar.

"Perhaps you've left that one in the humidor too long," Rei commented.

"It's supposed to be green," Shinji replied.

"I see," Rei replied. "Is it not unwise to smoke in an airplane?"

"Its fine," Shinji replied. "I don't do it often anyway."

"Yet you do it now," Rei pointed out. "Perhaps you do it to hide the smell of another woman, much like how Yuki has covered herself in perfume." All eyes turned on Yuki and Shinji. Yuki just stared at Rei in open shock.

"How did she figure that out?" she asked.

"Simple deduction," Rei stated. "Everyone else is too reliant on their sense of smell. I am at a disadvantage there and must compensate in other ways."

"I'm impressed," Shinji replied.

"Who was it?" Jen demanded.

"No one," Shinji replied quickly. "I mean, no one you'd know."

"The Commander," Rei corrected. "You nervousness over the topic shows that it is someone that we indeed know and. . ."

"Enough already," Shinji growled.

"You banged Misato?" Asuka shrieked. "She has to be pushing fifty!"

"Doesn't mean a thing," Yuki replied happily. "She isn't sagging at all." She glanced at Jen and frowned. "What's with her?"

"She's just remembering her old dream," Shinji replied.

"The one where she bends her commanding officer, Misato, over her desk and takes her with a twelve-inch neon-green strap. . ."

"Hey!" Jen shrieked. "How the hell did you know that?"

"You talk in your sleep," Pandora replied as she curled back up in Shinji's lap. "You should do something about that."

"Why the hell didn't any of you tell me I did that?" Jen demanded.

"Because it's amusing," Rei replied.

"Gotta agree with her on this one," Yuki added.

"Argh!" Asuka shot to her feet and stormed off into the hold. Yuki watched her go and frowned.

"Shinji?"

"Yes?"

"If we go in there and I bend her over the hood of the GTO. . ." Yuki trailed off.

"No," Shinji stated.

"Why not?" Yuki pouted. "I bet you she'd be a lot more cheerful after she got laid."

"Hard to argue with that," Jen commented.

"Or she'd rip my balls off," Shinji growled.

"Like we'd let her castrate you," Pandora stated. "If we did, what would we do for fun?"

"Anymore?" Shinji asked. "You'd play with each other."

"No arguing there," Jen replied.

(:ii:)

Shinji looked around the massive airport and whistled. "It's big."

"Everything's bigger in China," Yuki commented. "So what are we doing here exactly?"

"Looking for the Doctor," Shinji replied. "Remember?"

"Nope," Yuki replied. "I thought we were just bouncing around the world for fun again." Shinji sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. She had a good point. They had gotten very little work and a whole lot of fun done.

"Everybody stays except for Jen." Yes, that would be for the best. Less distractions. He could get this done faster and get back to not have to worry about doing anything again.

"Sounds fair to me!" Yuki cheered. Shinji sighed again and walked into the hole where his GTO awaited.

"There was a time when she would have complained about me leaving," he commented.

"Is someone feeling unloved?" Jen asked.

"Perhaps under loved is a better word," Shinji stated.

"Don't worry!" Jen shrieked as she hugged him around the hips. "I'll always love your dick more than a strap on."

"Right over her head," Shinji grumbled as he scratched her head.

(:ii:)

"This looks promising," Shinji commented as he stared at the huge warehouse. He grinned and popped his knuckles. He needed to blow off some stress.

"It's kind of. . .big," Jen commented. "Maybe we should call for backup."

"Sure," Shinji replied as he checked the Winchester's skeleton rig strapped to his left thigh. "You wait here for it." He grabbed his 10-gauge Lupara from the backseat and climbed out of the car.

"Wait a minute!" Jen shrieked as she climbed out to.

"I didn't last this long by waiting." Shinji cocked one of the Lupara's hammers and fired. The padlock holding the gate together disappeared. Shinji broke the weapon open and replaced the spent shell.

"God damn it!" Jen snatched the 40mm and the 20mm out of the back and sprinted after him. "This is a bad idea."

"So?"

"Are you going through a midlife crisis?" Jen demanded. That made Shinji pause.

"I drive muscle cars, do extremely dangerous things everyday, and have a dozen girlfriends to go along with me wife," he stated. "My life is a midlife crisis!" Jen remained frozen to the spot and Shinji turned back to the warehouse. He could already see people scrambling inside. Maybe he should have waited for backup.

"Fire in the hole, bitches!" A single 40mm grenade soared through the air and into one of the windows on the second floor. The resulting fireball made Shinji wonder exactly what kind of grenade it was. He turned and looked back at Jen. "What?"

"What was I thinking?" Shinji wondered aloud.

"What?" Jen asked. "What were you thinking?"

"Something stupid," Shinji replied as he turned and continued the walk to the front door with the Lupara in hand.

(:ii:)

Yuki glanced up and frowned. "What's wrong?" Rei asked.

"Shinji's doing something stupid," Yuki stated.

"If you could really tell every time Shinji was doing something stupid, you'd never be able to sleep," Pandora commented. Yuki considered this.

"Maybe dinner just didn't agree with me," she decided.

"Maybe it's the sense of impending doom," Pandora suggested. "After all, since we couldn't get Asuka to leave, we did hog tie her, gag her and throw her over there." Yuki glanced at the fiercely squirming redhead.

"Don't give me that look," Yuki warned. "We tried to get you to leave. It's not our fault you wanted to stay in for the night."

"I'm back!" Yuki turned and watched as Mana walked into the plane's passenger compartment. "Why is Asuka tied up?"

"Because we're a little afraid of what will happen when we let her go," Pandora replied.

"You should probably wait till Shinji gets back," Mana stated.

"That could be hours!" Rei protested.

"Hopefully she'll be so pissed off by then that she'll attack anything," Pandora commented hopefully. "Shinji'll be fine. He's taken on bigger and scarier things before."

"Bigger definitely," Mana commented as she prodded the bound redhead with her toe. "I'm not sure about scarier. I like the ball gag by the way. The color matches her hair."

"Doesn't it?" Yuki asked happily.

"Shinji's fucked," Pandora stated.

"Not by Asuka," Rei replied.

"Not that kind of fucked, Rei," Yuki stated.

"There are different kinds of fucking?" Rei asked.

"Too. . .many jokes," Mana managed jerkily as she turned and walked back out of the passenger room.

"Did I say something wrong?" Rei asked.

"No," Yuki replied. "Just, not everyone is quite so good at remembering that you're relatively new to the deviant scene."

"Ah," Rei replied. "How long do you think Mana will be gone?"

"Long enough," Pandora replied with a lecherous grin. In the corner Asuka struggled vainly against her bindings and began spewing curses that would have set a sailor's hair on fire had it not been for the ball gag.

(:ii:)

Shinji peaked out into the hallway. "Clear." He stepped out into the hall. He had made it all the way to the second floor before he had decided that he didn't have the ammo for a full assault.

"You'd still have enough shells if you actually aimed that thing," Jen whispered.

"I am aiming," Shinji hissed back.

"Aiming from the hip isn't any better than pointing," Jen stated. Shinji spun and emptied both barrels of his Lupara into the wall. A moment later a full grown lycan tumbled out of the ruined drywall.

"Do they really think they can sneak up on me?" Shinji demanded as he loaded his Lupara again from one of the pockets in his coat.

"I'm not sure they know who you are," Jen commented. Shinji felt the muscle in the corner of his left eye tick.

"I am Shinji Fenrir, bitches!"

"Feel better?" Jen asked.

"A little." Shinji swung the Lupara up and emptied both barrels into the ceiling.

(:ii:)

"Who the hell is this guy?" Toby demanded as he stared at the screens monitoring the warehouse's CCTV cameras.

"I am Shinji Fenrir, bitches!" Toby looked around his command center and scratched his head.

"Well, that answers that."

"Isn't that the guy we were warned about?" Toby's assistant asked.

"I think it is," Toby stated. He stared at the younger man and vainly tried to remember his name. "How many more guys do we have running around here?"

"The lycans and just trying to ambush him and about half the vampires got a look at this guy and ran screaming out the back door.

"Didn't the sun come up a couple of hours ago?"

"Yup," the assistant replied.

"Definitely sounds like that old Fenrir mojo is still running strong," Toby commented.

"Aren't you from the Fenrir pack?" the assistant asked.

"Yup," Toby replied.

"Aren't you scared?"

"Nope," Toby replied as he checked his pistol again. He leaned back in his big comfy seat and kicked his feet up on his desk. "Wake me when he gets here."

(:ii:)

Shinji felt around in his pocket and cursed. "Out of ammo?"

"Yup," Shinji replied flatly as he slid the Winchester back in its rig. He looked down at the dead lycan and kicked it. "You took my last shell, you bastard!"

"I think you're having some anger issues," Jen commented. Shinji glared at her over his shoulder and kicked the lycan a few more times. "Maybe you should go see a therapist."

"Not now," Shinji growled. He looked around the hallway. "How many floors have we cleared?"

"Six."

"How many floors did the warehouse have?"

"Six." Shinji frowned.

"Where the hell is the main office?" he demanded.

"The main office?" Jen asked. "We were looking for the main office?"

"Of course we were!" Shinji snapped. "What did you think we were doing here?"

"Clearing the building," Jen stated. She pointed to the wall behind Shinji and he turned to stare at the map there. "The main offices are on the first floor."

"God damn it!" Shinji snatched the 40mm out of Jen's hands and pointed it at the ground.

"Shinji?"

"Yes?"

"That's a very bad idea."

"I don't care."

(:ii:)

Hirano frowned as another explosion went off. They were getting closer. "What the hell is going on?" There was yet another explosive. That made, what, four? "Mister Fenrir?"

"Hmm?" Toby grumbled.

"I think someone's coming," Hirano stated.

"Nah," Toby replied. "The lasers in the hallway would have been tripped." The ceiling creaked ominously and another explosive went off. Hirano could only watch as massive cracks creased the ceiling and a large piece plummeted towards him.

"Oh, fiddlesticks."

(:ii:)

Shinji glanced around the room below and frowned when he noticed a growing pool of blood. "I think we squished somebody."

"Had to happen eventually," Jen commented. Shinji swung down into the room and looked around.

"You!"

"Huh?" The man jerked awake and looked around. "Where's Hirano?" Shinji glanced back at the pool of blood.

"He's over there."

"Oh." The man straightened up.

"I've been waiting a long time for this, Doctor," Shinji stated as he grabbed his hardballer and stalked forward.

"I'm not the Doctor." Shinji stumbled over his own feet and landed face first on the ground. He shot to his feet quickly.

"What?"

"I'm your uncle, Toby Fenrir," the man stated.

"This building does belong to the Doctor, right?"

"Yeah," Toby stated.

"Then where the fuck is he?" Shinji demanded.

"Japan," Toby stated. "She develops the weapons and sends the plans here. We're the ones that manufacture them." Shinji stared at the man.

"Why?"

"Why help her?" Toby asked. Shinji nodded. "It's boring without a good war. Its fun picking fights with demons and all, but there just aren't enough around." Shinji found himself nodding in agreement. "Sorry about the "trying to kill you" thing. Nothing personal, but the Doctor was adamant that you were the lycan target."

"Who the hell is she?" Shinji demanded.

"I think you know," Toby stated. Shinji scratched his chin and tried to get enough neurons firing to figure out the question before it. The answer smacked him outside the head like a pissed off Asuka.

"No way." Toby nodded. "Damn it. I can't believe how obvious it is."

"No one ever said a Fenrir was a smart one," Toby commented. "They just say that we're all violent and have a short attention span."

"What?"

"Never mind," Toby replied with a dismissive hand gesture. "So, what are you going to do? Stop the war." Shinji bit his lip.

"Can't I just stop the Doctor?" he asked after a moment.

"Shinji," Jen reprimanded.

"Yeah, yeah," Shinji grumbled. "Well, see you later Uncle."

"Probably at Jinx's wedding," Toby stated.

"When is that?"

"In a week," Toby stated. "It's at that really great bar in Germany."

"I know that one," Shinji replied. "See you there." He turned and walked towards the door.

"Wait a minute!" Jen snapped. "We're just going to walk away?"

"What else would we do?" Shinji asked. "He isn't the Doctor."

"Shouldn't we shoot him anyway?" Jen asked. "He is the enemy."

"He's family," Shinji stated. "If we shot every family member who pulled something, there'd be no more pack. Let's go. We can make it back to Japan in a few hours if we hurry."

(:ii:)

Yuki glanced up as the door to the plane slid open. "Hey Shinji!"

"Why is Asuka tied up?" Shinji asked curiously.

"No reason," Yuki replied. "Why don't you go and let her go?" Shinji stared at the redhead skeptically and than at Yuki's twitching smile.

"How long has she been tied up?"

"Not too long," Yuki replied.

"Only a couple of hours," Rei added. Yuki sighed.

"Don't help me, Rei."

"Alright." Shinji collapsed in one of the seats and prodded Asuka cautiously with the toe of his boot. Finally he drew a pistol and smacked the redhead in the back of the head with it. Asuka stopped squirming and Shinji undid bindings holding her.

"Should have thought of that," Yuki grumbled. "So, did you kill the Doctor?"

"Nope," Shinji replied.

"Why not?" Pandora demanded. "That bastard interrupted our vacation!"

"Your lives are a vacation," Mana grumbled.

"She's not in China," Shinji stated.

"She?" Yuki demanded. "You really do have no luck with women."

"No shit," Shinji grumbled.

"So, where is she?" Mana asked.

"Japan," Shinji replied.

"Do you know who she is?" Mana pressed.

"Oh, yeah." There was a lengthy pause.

"Well?"

"Well what?" Shinji asked.

"Who is she?" the girls demanded. Shinji just grinned.

(:ii:)

"Curse that bastard!" Ritsuko Akagi slammed her phone down in its cradle.

"What's wrong, Sempai?" Maya Ibuki asked.

"He destroyed my manufacturing warehouse in China!" Ritsuko shrieked. "It doesn't matter. The ultimate weapon has been completed! Shinji Fenrir will soon meet his doom!" Ritsuko threw her head back and began laughing.

"Sempai!"

"What?" Ritsuko asked.

"Could you not laugh like that when I'm. . .you know," Maya pleaded from where she was kneeling between Ritsuko's legs. "I've asked you before."

"Oops," Ritsuko replied. "I forgot. Sorry, Maya."

"That's okay, Sempai," Maya replied. She cheerfully returned to the work at hand, much to Ritsuko's delight.

"Oh God, Maya!"

-End

(:ii:)

-Author's notes. Heh. Well, at least I'm having fun with this. I think the last chapter was the least reviewed Lycanthrope chapter ever. Oh well. Fiddlesticks. I love that word. It's my favorite exclamation. Also, with all the tips I've given you, you should have figured out who the Doctor was.


	12. Chapter 12: Good Enough

I don't own anything.

Lycanthrope 3: Meet the Parents or: How I learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb

-Chapter Twelve: Good Enough

Shinji scowled as the plane touched down. He had just spent a month of his life trying to track down someone who was right under his nose. Needless to say, he was extremely pissed. "Are you just going to shoot her?"

"Oh, no," Shinji replied. "I've got a whole lot of frustration to work out." Yuki frowned and backed away.

"He seems a lot more tense than usual," she commented as if he wasn't there.

"He's feeling under loved," Jen stated.

"Why on earth would he feel under loved?" Yuki demanded. "He's sleeping with a dozen women!"

"Sex and emotion are different," Rei stated. Shinji decided to leave before he got sucked into their brewing argument. He pushed open the door to the hold and climbed into the waiting GTO. He started the massive engine and glanced up as Asuka climbed into the car.

"I still don't like the bottle blond bimbo," she stated. "She almost killed my family."

"Good enough," Shinji replied. He reached out the window and smacked the ramp control. He glanced in the rearview mirror and watched the back of the plane open up.

"Maybe you should consider therapy," Asuka suggested

"Tried," Shinji replied. "He broke."

"Broke?" Asuka asked.

"Maxwell Androse," Shinji stated simply. Asuka stared at him.

"That shrink who went insane and became a serial killer?" she demanded.

"Yeah," Shinji replied. "I broke him." He put the car in reverse and peeled out of the plane's hold.

"You're a mess."

"You're one to talk," Shinji shot back.

"Doctor Michael just curled up in a ball and wouldn't stop sobbing," Asuka stated. "He didn't become a serial killer!"

"You still broke him," Shinji replied. "I just play rougher with my toys."

"Obviously," Asuka retorted. "After all, Doctor Akagi was your first one."

"Yeah."

(:ii:)

"I know you're here Ritsy!" Misato winced and pushed her door open. Shinji Fenrir wandered by with an extremely large shotgun in his hands.

"What the fuck are you doing?" she demanded.

"Be vewy, vewy quiet," Shinji whispered. "I'm hunting, Ritsys, huh, huh, huh." Misato watched as he continued down the hall without another word.

"This is what I get for letting Aoba grow pot in the green house," she grouses.

"What was that?" Misato spun and saw her other former flat mate.

"Nothing," she replied quickly. "Now are you going to do something or am I going to have to kill Ritsuko?"

"Why would you kill Ritsuko?" Asuka demanded.

"Do you know how much her therapy bills are after every one of Shinji's visits?" Misato demanded.

"I think Shinji's going to take care of that for you," Asuka replied.

"So he's finally going to kill her," Misato commented. "Is there any actual reason?"

"She tried to kill him," Asuka stated. "And she almost killed my family."

"You got to admit, it's really his fault," Misato pointed out.

"Yeah, he should have killed her before," Asuka agreed. "Don't worry, we'll fix that little mistake right now." The redhead turned and followed after her sire. Misato considered saying something and decided against it. She walked back into her office and locked the door.

"I need an alibi."

(:ii:)

Shinji stared at the door that was hindering his progress and raised the grenade launcher. A single buckshot round destroyed the lock and more of the door for that matter. Shinji pumped the handle and nudged the door open with his toe. "Avon lady calling!"

"One second!" Shinji stormed in the lab and balked at what he saw. "I said one second!" Maya snapped from between Ritsuko's legs.

"Sorry," Shinji replied, turning around quickly.

"What are you doing?" Asuka asked.

"I just. . .interrupted. . ." Shinji trailed off as his brain caught up with him. "Hey, wait a minute!" He spun back around. "I'm here to kill her!"

"But why?" Maya demanded, turning her sad puppy eyes on Shinji as she helped Ritsuko sit down.

"Well. . .uh. . .you see," Shinji began.

"Oh for Christ's sake," Asuka growled. "She tried to kill us!"

"Not both of you, just him," Ritsuko stated in a mellow far away voice. Asuka frowned as she considered this.

"Your problem," she stated. Shinji scowled as she turned and walked out of the room.

"She almost got your parents killed!"

"It's your fault by extension," Asuka called back. "And I will have your balls for what you did earlier."

"I didn't tie you up!" Shinji protested, but Asuka was already out of the room. Shinji turned back on Ritsuko, he raised his shotgun.

"And now to take care of the Doctor!" He was about to pull the trigger when Maya jumped in front of the muzzle.

"Wait!" Shinji scowled and tried to pull the trigger, but the sad puppy eyes wouldn't let him. "I'm sure Ritsuko is very sorry, right Sempai?" The young tech turned the eyes on the blond.

"Well. . .uh. . .you see," Ritsuko began. She sighed in defeat. "I'm very sorry." Maya turned on Shinji and smiled brightly.

"See? She says she's very sorry."

"I guess," Shinji replied. He frowned and shook his head. "Wait a minute!"

"She apologized," Maya protested as the bright smile turned into a pout and Shinji's higher brain functions faltered. "Everything's okay, right?"

"But. . .but. . .but I don't have any proof she won't try again!" Shinji sputtered. Maya turned her pout on Ritsuko.

"You'll leave Shinji alone, right Sempai?"

"But. . .but," Ritsuko faltered and sighed in defeat. "I'll leave him alone, but only if he stops bothering me!" Maya turned on Shinji.

"You'll stop bothering her, right?" she asked. Shinji's eye ticked and finally his shoulders slumped.

"Okay," he replied, "but I'll kill her if she tries to kill me or any of my friends!" Maya turned on Ritsuko.

"You'll be a good kitty, right Sempai?"

"I'll be a good kitty," Ritsuko answered.

"Alrighty then." Shinji slung his grenade launcher. "Uh. . .I'll be going now." It was only when the ruined door shut behind him that Shinji realized that something had gone rather spectacularly wrong. "Wait a minute!"

"Is she dead?" Asuka asked. Shinji stared at the door, wondering exactly what had happened.

"She'll be a good kitty," he replied absently. He turned and started down the hallway wondering exactly what Maya was.

"Good kitty?" Asuka repeated. "What the hell? Shinji!"

(:Several Days Later:)

"And that's what happened," Shinji explained as he reclined in one of the lazy boys in Mister Sohryu's office and played with the collar of his pink Hawaiian shirt covered in little palm trees.

"I shouldn't have expected anything better," Gerald replied. Shinji didn't like the man's tone and scowled.

"So, I have trouble saying no to cute girls," he growled. "It hasn't gotten me killed yet."

"I suppose," Gerald replied. Shinji glanced around the office.

"So, why'd you invite us back?" he asked. "Last time we were here, you almost got killed."

"Wasn't even close," Gerald replied. "Anyway, my daughter is with you people and that makes you friends of the family."

"Oh."

"Besides, Carol and I needed to speak with Asuka about something that concerns you," Gerald added.

"Like what?" Shinji asked.

"Well, it involves your mother," Gerald stated. "We'd best wait for the women to arrive." The door opened and Mana peaked in.

"There you are."

"Here I am," Shinji replied. "How pissed is Craven?"

"Pretty pissed," Mana replied as she walked into the room. "That Tomahawk is one of a kind and you and that little speed freak left some rather deep set stains in the seat." Shinji just grinned bashfully as Gerald's questioning look. "Hey you're wearing leather pants!" Shinji glanced down at his brown leather pants.

"Yeah. Yuki says they make my ass look good."

"I'll say."

"What?"

"Nothing," Mana replied innocently. Asuka and her step mother walked in after a few moments of award silence.

"Could you leave?" Gerald asked politely. "We have something to discuss with Asuka and Shinji."

"She's fine," Shinji replied as he patted the arm rest of his chair. Mana just shrugged and sat down.

"I'm not so sure. . ." Shinji made a dismissing wave and tugged out a cigar. Mana produced a lighter and lit it for him.

"So," Asuka began, "what's this all about?"

"Well," Gerald began, glancing at Carol.

"You lost the bet," the blond stated. "You have to tell her."

"Tell me what?" Asuka asked.

"You see," Gerald began, "your step mother and I, we knew each other and your mother very well before I married your mother."

"I know," Asuka replied. "You told me this story."

"No, we really knew each other," Gerald stated. Asuka scratched her head, a clueless expression on her face. She turned to Shinji for answers. That was never a good thing to do.

"Kinky!" Shinji announced. "So, how'd you end up married to one of them?" Asuka spun and stared at her father.

"You mean. . ."

"Yeah," Gerald replied. "We were in college and we got drunk one night and kind of ended up having such a good time it kept on going."

"How'd you end up married to one of them?" Shinji repeated.

"Well, Carol moved away for a while and I continued to date Asuka's mother," Gerald stated. "We got married and settled down and than Carol got transferred back to Germany."

"Heh." Shinji turned on Asuka. "And you always accused me of being a pervert when you're parents were doing the ménage a trios thing." Asuka stared at Gerald.

"About that whole pervert thing," Gerald began. "We wanted to wait until you were old enough to understand this. You kind of walked in on the three of us."

"I what?" Asuka demanded.

"You seem to have blocked the memories, but since that night you've always had such a great aversion to anything sexual," Gerald explained.

"So she's such a bitch because she walked in on you between two females?" Shinji asked, a bright grin beginning to curl his lips.

"My parents are perverts?" Asuka asked in a faraway voice. Shinji grinned and Mana tugged his beard.

"You're supposed to be involved in this somehow, remember?" Shinji frowned and turned on Gerald.

"Well," Gerald began, "Kyoko was kind of loose and bisexual and your mother was an attractive woman and they were roomies in college. It's kind of a no brainer."

"Wait, am I your son?" Shinji demanded.

"No," Gerald replied.

"That's all your worried about?" Mana demanded. "Your mom was a bisexual involved in orgies!"

"Well I'm involved in trans-species orgies," Shinji commented. "I really can't comment on other people's sexual habits."

"My parents are perverts," Asuka stated.

"I think you broke her," Shinji commented. A moment later Asuka pounced on him.

"Let's go!"

"Where!" Shinji protested as he was dragged out of his chair by the ankle. He sank his claws into the floor and managed to arrest for movement. "Where are we going?"

"We're going to my room where I'm going to ride you until my bed brakes," Asuka stated. She gave a hard tug to dislodge Shinji's claws and began dragging him again.

"Wait!" Mana shrieked, bringing all movement to a stop for a moment. Asuka glanced back at her. "Can I come?" Asuka's eye ticked. She stomped across the room and kissed the young vampire for at least a full minute before pulling away.

"Yes, you come."

"Yeah!"

(:ii:)

Yuki pushed the door to Gerald's office open and looked around. "We heard Mana scream," she stated as she moved out of the way for Jen and Pandora to walk in as well.

"You're going to here her scream a lot more," Gerald stated. His left eye was ticking. Yuki considered what he could possibly mean and frowned as she noticed a rhythmic squeaking sound. She glanced up.

"What's above this room?"

"Asuka's bedroom," Gerald replied.

"Ah."

"Mein Gott!" There were quite a few minutes of silence after this particular exclamation.

"Oh, oh, oh my God!" There wasn't nearly as long a pause.

"Was that Mana?" Jen demanded.

"I do believe that was Mana," Pandora replied.

"So Asuka goes from being the anti-pervert to engaging in one of the oldest, most powerful taboos on Earth," Jen commented. "Even we haven't broke the whole vampire and lycan fucking taboo. . .yet. We much be a bad influence."

"Yeah," Yuki agreed proudly. She glanced around and frowned. "Where's Pandora?" Somewhere up stairs a door burst open and someone leapt onto something soft.

"My cell phone is ringing," Jen stated. She turned and sprinted out of the room. Yuki just grinned bashfully at Asuka's parents and edged out the door slowly.

(:ii:)

"It's a pretty day," Mana commented as she reclined on her towel under her umbrella.

"Mm hm," Shinji agreed. Asuka snorted and spooned up against his side. He swatted absently at her hand as her sleeping self tried to get things rolling.

"I knew she was repressed, but this is getting ridiculous," Yuki stated. "She's done everything in two weeks that I did in ten years."

"And than a few things I never even thought of," Jen added.

"She comes from a family of perverts," Pandora stated.

"Are we talking about my only begotten daughter now?" Shinji craned his head around and found himself staring up the devil's skirt.

"You're wearing those to mess with my head," he growled. Lu grinned down at him.

"I happened to think the little angels are cute," she replied. "I have a little favor to ask you."

"No."

"But. . ."

"No," Shinji replied. "I don't care if the world is about to end."

"I was kind of hoping you'd help me bring that about," Lu replied. Shinji hesitated and thought about that. Yuki reached across Jen and flicked his nose.

"Ow!"

"No Shinji."

"But it's the apocalypse," Shinji whined.

"No," Yuki stated again. Shinji pouted and swatted Asuka's hands away from his crotch again. His blue-haired mate swung around on the devil.

"And you, either stop tempting him and strip down or go away."

"Okay." Lu pulled off her sundress to reveal that she was wearing a white bikini covered in little rosy-cheeked cherubs. "Oh look, there isn't an extra towel." She plopped down on Shinji instead. "Hey!" Shinji batted at the hand that had tried to force its way down Lu's bikini bottom. "Horny little thing, isn't she?"

"She's your daughter," Shinji shot back.

"Speaking of which, you think she'll mind if I join you guys tonight?" Lu asked. "I am her mom, even if it's not through blood."

"With the way she's going, you'll be lucky if she doesn't pin you down right here and make you scream," Mana replied. "I think she's looking for new taboos to break. I heard her chatting with Angela and you really don't want to know what it was about."

"That sounds fun." Shinji glanced to his side and watched as Rei sat down beside her clone.

"You would think incest sounds fun," Lu stated.

"We prefer to think of it as advanced masturbation," Rei explained as she spooned up against Yuki.

"Everybody here?" Shinji asked.

"Pretty much," a new voice replied. Shinji glanced back and saw Misato and Agatha walking towards them in bikinis with towels over their shoulders. Misato stared at Asuka. "I never would have believed it if I wasn't seeing it with my own eyes."

"You would have if you could read her mind," Agatha stated. "The girl makes Caligula look like the Amish."

"This is going to be a fun vacation," Lu commented as she swatted her daughter's roving hands.

"Yep," Shinji replied. He felt much happier now that he was back on the beach.

"You still need to call Jinx and apologize for missing his wedding," Yuki stated.

"Asuka should call," Shinji protested. "She's the one who tied me to the bed!"

"Pervert," Asuka mumbled as she began chewing on his earlobe and groping her indirect mother's ass.

"Anybody have anything smart to say?" Jen wondered.

"Asuka's a hypocrite?" Mana ventured.

"Good enough," Shinji stated.

-End

(:ii:)

-Author's notes. Yep. That's it. The Doctor was in no part the reason for this story. Asuka was the entire reason for this story. I couldn't fully end the Lycanthrope series without getting Asuka included in there and that was the whole point of this story.

So, here we are at the end of another story and I've got some shit to spout. I was just going through the ole' favorites list and clicked on one of my favorite authors. To my shock he said that he was done writing. That got me thinking, I've been writing for a while. I'm actually one of the senior writers for Eva fanfics on Creepy, yes? And one more thing, I seem to be one of the few writers from my time to still be writing consistently. Note: one chapter every couple of months is not writing. You do that, you'd better be typing god damned Nobel Prize winning shit. I'm not pointing fingers, but some of you authors need to get writing pretty fucking ricky tick or your fans will forget you. That's why I'm popular, I don't let anyone forget my cynical ass.

One more thing. This really is the final Lycanthrope, at least in this continuity, so say goodbye to Shinji Fenrir and his harem. I have a little side project called Lycanthrope Champloo. It's basically the whole series rewritten with Shinji as a werewolf, just like you all were asking my for. Heh. Don't wait up for it. Also the new rewrite or SC Eva is coming. This is the last one. I mean it this time!


End file.
